Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem

So I pretty much have 0 self esteem.. and honestly I don't know if this below is good to follow but what the hell, I am gonna post it anyhow. I think I will add my take on them also.

Via the ririan project

1. Stop comparing yourself with other people.

Human beings can amplify or reduce their value by contrasting themselves either positively or negatively with others. But if you play the comparison game, you’ll run into too many “opponents” you can’t defeat. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. So stop comparing!

Bryan says: um... right. So when I go in for my raise or a new job don't you almost have to compare yourself to someone? Plus isn't it fun to know you are better than someone? no? (-1)

2. Stop the critic inside of you.

Some people have a bad habit of putting themselves down often. They say negative things to themselves like, “I’m always late. Why am I such a flake?” or “There you go again, stupid!” So get in the new habit of catching yourself saying critical things about yourself and learn to silence your inner critic. And if this is unavoidable, at least tone down the level of your criticism.

Bryan says: RIGHT.. this is as likely to happen as me getting a threesome or stop drinking Captain. There are some things that just will never happen. (-1)

3. Forgive and forget.

Do not waste your time and energy thinking of past hurts. Your time can be wisely spent for other productive things rather than forlorn thoughts. We make mistakes, even when we’re trying our best. Sometimes you just have to apologize, let it go and move on.

Bryan says: Ok so I am just supposed to forget about the bad things that have happened to me and just jump right in and get squashed. Sure ... (-2)

4. Associate with positive, supportive people.

The “real you” is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to others. So keep your interest in life at a high level by being in the company of enthusiastic people. This way, you will get infected by their positive attitude. You will view the world in its full shining glory and move around oozing with energy. In the same manner, it would be wise to stay away from negatively inclined thinkers. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem is lowered.

Bryan says: these people exist?? WHERE?? (-1)

5. Get involved in work and activities you love.

It’s hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you hate. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. And even if you’re not in a position to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies or activities.

Bryan says: HA! See now I agree with this 100% ... but finding a job is another story. I do follow the leisure time by doing the PSL thing. (+2)

6. Be true to yourself.

Live your own life - not the life someone decided is best for you. You will never gain your own respect and you will never feel good about yourself if you aren’t leading the life you want to lead. So if you’re still making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren’t being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.

Bryan says: I like this one too. I have tried both and I haven't found either one successful but living for myself has been a little better. (+1)

7. Talk affirmatively to others and yourself.

Words carry enough power that can either hurt other people or yourself. Similarly, words can generate enough power to give warmth and comfort. So be conscious of your choice of words. Choose affirmative words when speaking with someone.

Bryan says: Say whatever the fuck you want. Didn't the last one say live your life? (-1)

8. Quit blaming yourself for mistakes in the past.

Many things in our lives are only minimally in our control, but those of us who develop low self-esteem take the full blame for the resulting negative outcomes. Instead, learn to honor your efforts and give proper credit for things that you have done well. Following a practical approach for managing your self-esteem will prevent it from becoming a problem and keep you off that rollercoaster.

Bryan says: This is garbage. You can't not (wow double negative) blame yourself because most likely you have been blamed by someone else already. Plus as the king of not dealing with failure well this one no worky (-2)

9. Make a long list of your personal breakthroughs.

Think of times when you did something that you thought that never could do but managed to pull off successfully. These breakthroughs can generate an authentic source of never-ending pride in you. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.

Bryan says: So... doing a hot chick, um... getting real drunk and throwing up on someones shoes, putting it in the 2 hole (female thank you)? Yes I am embellishing but isn't that the point? I hate that interview question about achievements. Everyone can make up one... (+-0)

10. Make a list of your positive qualities.

Not everyone has your unique abilities and talents. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it’s important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn’t working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you’ll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.

Bryan says: BWHAHAHAHA.. As Dan and I always say, pessimism is a compliment for us. (-2)

11. Figure out the hidden strengths in your so-called weaknesses.

You can’t develop high self-esteem if you constantly repeat negative comments about your skills and abilities. Remember that there is always a positive in every negative if you look hard enough. For instance, you may think of yourself as stubborn, but the flip side is that you’re also persistent and dependable.

Bryan says: I don't have weaknesses, I fucking rock out with my cock out (+-0)

12. Rediscover and reaffirm your personal strengths.

Sometimes you have to take a new inventory on what you like about your looks, smile, body, sexiness, health, personality, and character strengths. Don’t sell yourself short. It isn’t wrong or egotistical to praise ourselves.

Bryan says: see last statement (+1 for egos)

13. Ignore yourself.

Sometimes the real problem isn’t self-esteem at all but a tendency toward over thinking. When you get this feeling direct your focus to other things. Give it a rest already!

Bryan says: First you tell me to have an ego and then ignore it? Fuck enough people ignore me the way it is (-1)

14. Examine your needs.

Some of us need more praise from others than other people do. Some people need to always be accomplishing something, or they feel let down. In other words, it could very well be that you’re ok, but you’re just in a slower activity period right now, so it feels like you feel bad, when you really don’t. Relax, and take it easy!

Bryan says: EXACTLY. I need a bj every single day.. that is my need. (+3 for BJ'S)

15. Accept all compliments with “Thank You.”

Don’t dismiss or ignore them. When you do this you give yourself the message that you do not deserve or are not worthy of praise, which by the way reflects low self-esteem. Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You.

Bryan says: I'm cool with this (+1).. [but hello, shouldn't you have MANNERS and already know this]

16. Start giving more.

You must give more of yourself to those around you. Because when you do things for someone else, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which in turn lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem. So next time you see a downcast or downtrodden individual, pick him up from the rut. Share with him the warmth of your helping hand and watch the glow in his eyes.

Bryan says: You know, I tried this, and I still try to practice it but what the fuck happened to giving back to the people that give to you. I am always the person that is there and then when I need something where is everyone else? Following #12 (+-0)

17. Be your own cheerleader.

The energy and enthusiasm of a cheerleader is necessary in order to make the radical emotional changes required to raise your self-esteem. Learn how to enjoy a few minutes of self-congratulations instead of jumping right into the next task as if nothing happened, or dismissing it as meaningless. It does mean something. Being your own cheerleader isn’t silly, it’s smart and contagious.

Bryan says: There is nothing contagious about cheerleading except maybe the clap (-1)

18. Start small and do a task you can accomplish easily.

There’s no faster way to build self-esteem than to add yet another accomplishment to your roster. It always feels good to get something crossed off our to-do list. And it doesn’t necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments.

Bryan says: To Do List:

1. Masturbate - check
2. Poop - check
3. see #1

19. Examine the pattern of highs and lows.

Perhaps you’re just in a “praise starvation” mode - it’s been too long since you got a compliment or got to do anything that someone noticed. Or perhaps you started the downward spiral when you said some bad things to someone. It’s always good to remember that self-esteem is a mental construct. So examine your patterns and you’ll know what to do.

Bryan says: Well all I can say is the low is really low for this cat. Hard to examine when there aren't many highs (+-0)

20. Get some exercise.

Exercise can decrease ‘stress hormones’ like cortisol, and increase endorphins, your body’s ‘feel-good’ chemicals, giving your mood a natural boost. If you’ve been focusing on one type of exercise, vary that routine and try a different type. If you don’t exercise, go for a walk. Even the change of scenery will do you good. It also forces your perspective to change a little, and you may see yourself in a better light. Also physical activity itself can take your mind off of your problems and either redirect it on the activity at hand or get you into a zen-like state.

Bryan says: I agree with this.. so more sex.. sweet. Oh wait, the 9 hour drive to get sex probably would negate the good effects. Go to the gym?? RIGHT. (+-0)

21. Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem.

Whatever material we allow to dominate our mind will eventually take root and affect our own behavior. For example, if you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. On the other hand, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.

Bryan says: Hello! Whats better than being cynical. Watch the news, you don't have a choice to avoid this shit. I don't read and I am not going to see douche bag Dr. Phil. (-2 for making me think of Dr Phil)

22. Take action!

The universe rewards action! When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you’ll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.

Bryan says: no wonder I don't get any rewards.. no action. See this and the exercise one go together. Also I don't fail to move forward b/c of fear and anxiety, I fail to move forward because of assholes and douche bags I deal with every day. Shot out to PittGirl (AND DRINK) for the moving forward reference (-1)

So, like I said Pessimism is a compliment for me. Some of this is sarcasm some of it is true and they probably are right along the same line. I gave this overall article (-5) which isn't as bad as I thought. Who needs self-esteem anyhow.. it is overrated.

Inmate #MLI00028

Yes, it has finally happened. I am now an inmate at the MAGLEV, Inc. Prison. Today I came into work at 9:30.. thank you Viva Pinata. We have "flex time" here but my boss thinks that we shouldn't unless it works to his advantage. So coming in at 7 and leaving at 3 is ok but coming in at 9 and leaving at 5 (not taking lunch on both accounts is not ok). Granted they are both 8 hours worth of work but to him it doesn't matter.

So today they put on the office calendar that I was out until 9:45 but when they leave at 3 it won't be on there.. so now my boss thinks we should have one of these:


thats right folks.. a punch clock. Reminding everyone that we are SALARIED EMPLOYEES. It was bad enough when I had to start blocking websites b/c one person was abusing the Internet but now time clocks.. what is next shackles and chains? I mean come on. God I need to get out of here.

Lumbergh at it again..

Today is simply a random thought day for me. I didn't sleep much again last night and my wits are missing (but what else is new). So every Friday we have this "staff meeting" at 8am where everyone goes around the table and tells what they did for the week. Typically what I say no one ever listens to or really cares because I am a hick from WV that knows nothing and really doesn't have two engineering degrees (I must have made them in Photoshop)... but they suck the dick of whoever in the other building (the shop) did this week. Typically it isn't anything impressive.. they moved some plate they welded some stuff together whatever.. yea let me clap for you. You did a technicians job that I could teach my interns how to do. Anyhow something amazing happened today. One of the guys that works here that I like which is few and far between was talking about a dude from Siemens (he he I said Semen.. yes very slap happy today). The guy was talking about he found us from our website and how great it was and how impressed he was with the site. Ironically I got a phone call from a former co-worker about the same thing last night, he left a long message about how much he liked the site.

Well yea it kicks ass.. I DID THE WORK! No one internally in management has really ever given me a nod for the work I did on the website (www.maglevinc.com). When the employee here mentioned this Lumbergh (see previous post about work) turned around in his chair, rolled back to me (I was sitting behind him) and kicked my foot.

Now I ask, is this some sort of sign that he is happy with the work I did. I was getting ready to pull back and punch him in the face. I wasn't expecting him to come at me like that. Is kicking someone the new management form of good job? I mean I know there is the ass slapping in sports to support someone but I guess kicking is the workplace thing to do. So I think I will just start kicking people when they do something good. I mean it seems like it would be fun. Much more fun than saying good job, you did nice work.. here is a raise.

BTW, if you want the chance to "kick me" hire me to do your website. My work is here. Nothing wrong with a little self promotion.. lets call it the get Bryan out of hell project.

Lets go Pens

For those of you in la la land... the Pens are on a roll 10-0-2 in the last 12 games (22 out of 24 possible points) and are now tied for 4th in the Eastern conference. I have been watching them all year as I do pretty much every Pittsburgh team and they are just simply exciting. If you don't watch them often I suggest turning on the game and watching these young guys go out there and make hockey extremely exciting.

F$*# the Police

So we all remember that NWA song about the beloved Po Po's (singing it in my head as we speak). We all know that they are ego-centric power hungry assholes generally.

Well 'burghers don't show any cop here what the state of West Virginia looks like or you might end up with a nice fat ticket.

Read it here

First amendment what?? oh wait... the President doesn't have to follow the Constitution why should anyone else?

What I am reading .. Google Reader Rocks

So my tech savvyness (geek I guess) lead me to Google Reader. I read countless websites because my job sucks and I really don't have any work to do. But, going to the sites all the time to check out if there are new posts and remembering what I have read etc.. got annoying. In comes Google Reader. What is GR you may ask? Well it is a feed reader that takes RSS (Really Simple Syndication) feeds and displays them all in one sweet interface. It allows you to categorize the feeds and shows just new posts, all posts .. whatever you want basically. Pretty much every website that does normal updating will have a feed.

So, now the great people at blogger have allowed for you to post shared articles from your reader to your blog. So over there ---> you will find my shared items under what I am reading. I added a post I linked in the previous entry from missbitch. Hopefully I remember to click that button to share the articles I like.

Enjoy!

Super Bowl, Commercials, Half Time

So, I thought the SB this year was generally lame as the ball hit the ground as much as a porn star lays on her back in a day. It was just hard to get into this year being one year removed from the Steelers run to the top. I did watch it in Chicago with Bears fans so that was a different experience, unfortunately they didn't win.

The commericals were so terrible this year. I can't think of a worse set of ads for a SB ever. Who would pay that much money for garbage like they are producing. I enjoyed 2, one of which is already pulled from the air. The first one was the Bud Light rock paper scissors. Second is the Snickers commercial. Now why in the hell they would pull that from the air is beyond me. I thought it was quite funny and found it in now way demeaning of the gay community. It is what guys would do whether they were straight or gay(in the closet). I need to consult my gay friends on their feelings but I found it quite amusing.

I have to send the shout out to missbitch for a few reasons. (site linked over there --->)

1. Her rant about the halftime show complaints which is linked above.
2. Her general outlook on things which about 98% of the time I agree with or get a damn good laugh out of
3. Because she is a cool chick that I play darts with and have drank a couple bottles of liquor with on a trip to Philthydephia.
4. Because she posted the perfect pic from the halftime show

Prince is the shit. He had so many songs he could have chosen from but of course I think he had to have them pre-approved. I must say Purple Rain fit in perfectly with the weather. The stage was so sweet.. (I always liked the "symbol) and of course he killed it like he always does. I must say I am not sure what the hell he was wearing on his head for most of the show, but whatever.. he is the man. Plus you have to love those guitars he has... especially when he does that (in the picture). Freaking awesome.

I had a good time at the SB party I went to.. I didn't drink and everyone was giving me a hard time about it, but I just didn't really feel like it for whatever reason and I wanted to let SS drink b/c she hates the Bears (even though she wore a bears sweatshirt). We did make some killer apps though, she made these rollups that were damn good and I made Buffalo Chicken dip which kicked ass.

I am going to end this whole thing with a thought on "location". Yes, I think the super bowl should be played somewhere warm or in a dome. I don't want to see sheets of rain coming down during the game that affects play. I want to see both teams go out and beat the shit out of each other where conditions don't matter. Why don't they just play the game in Arizona at the new stadium ... it is sweet and no worries about weather.

Final grade for SB XLI : C-

Do I speak a different language??

I am having a serious WTF day at work. I have detailed how terrible the place I work is and what idiots we have running the place but it just gets worse and worse. One of the "directors" retired which put my immediate boss in charge of everyone basically. Well hello power trip. He and the VP are attached cock to mouth or ass to mouth (and yes Clerks fan's it is ok with them to go ass to mouth). The management of this place could care less what the employees think. They hire us to be the experts in that particular role yet they know more about welding, IT, computers, scanning.. whatever the hell else we do here than the people that have the degrees and experience. I swear I am going to go postal and pull a Milton and burn the damn place down.

Today is the PERFECT example. My illustrious, early onset Alzheimer's CEO decided that we should have an open house. Why you may ask? I am still asking the same thing after an hour meeting. He actually said that the company needed to buy lunch so people would come to the meeting. HELLO!!!!!! that means no one gives a fuck or wants anything to do with it!! We recently bought an IGM Gantry robotic system for 300,000 bucks so I guess they want to show that off. Why, I still have no clue. We do nothing ... they are trying to label the place as the national center for robotics and automation. We have 6 freaking welding robots.. whooptie freaking doo. Who really gives a fuck about welding robots.. they are lame.

So anyhow during this meeting any time I tried to make a comment the VP that supposedly is on my side argued with me. He is one of those my way is the only right way that exists in the solar system and I am better than God and the greatest Jew walking the earth. See he is a former Steelworker that somehow landed a 150K a year job without a degree. Still will never figure that one out.Also to add in we have ass to mouth who the 'kissee" is best attributed to Lumbergh from Office Space. The guy is a former US Steel exec.. so that says it all. I swear he does the coffee cup moves and everything. As you can see I can name the Office Space people here in a second.


Anyhow.. so I have basically argued some points that are a joke. There is no way we are a national center for anything but pork barrel funding from the government. We just spent 3 million in less than 6 months on NOTHING and only have a robotic gantry to show for it, which by the way will probably not be operational for this full house.

So basically it came down to I said something, they ignored it.. someone else repeated what I said, greatest idea ever. I mean come on.. do I speak in tongues or something? I seriously am just going to stop showing up and see if they fire me or not. I have a feeling they wouldn't, they don't fire anyone. There are people here with 6 formal complaints against them (we only have 16 employees!!) yet they say that the people filing the complaints don't have thick skin, or that is just the way they are instead of FIRING THE ASSHOLE.

I would love to work somewhere when people were treated like humans with brains rather than a piece of steel or a robot. Let me add in the fact that our reviews/raises are now 8 months past due even though they were promised to us months ago. It must be nice to collect a 150k+ check a year and just not give a shit about anyone else.

So it all comes down to me wondering if I speak a different language here than others. I know for a fact I don't speak cock sucking or ass kissing.. so maybe I should just consider myself an illegal immigrant in this "land" of hell.

No creative title today...

That about sums it up .. the creativity that I have now then is not here today.. so what am I going to talk about. Really who knows. I saw that I hadn't posted in a few weeks and I figured I need to start again. Granted this is like the 50th time I have said this.

So some opinions and other info for Friday.

• I still loathe Sluttienna Miller and I just got a great kick out of what my friend missbitch had to say about it
• I don't know who I want to win the super bowl. I am on the whole I want to see Dungy win but Manning choke thing, but I will be in Chicago for it.. so I probably will just stay quiet. It is sad to not be able to say the Steelers are the SB champs anymore after this weekend.
• The PA Gaming Commission released their genius report today stating why they picked Don Bardon's proposal over Isle of Capri (and the FREE ARENA for the PENS). My favorite line is "Pa. gaming board also cites PITG owner's charisma as factor in winning bid" Now can someone please explain to me how charisma = good business person? Fuck I would be a billionaire by now.
  
• The Pens are so much fun to watch. The team is young, exciting and winning again and Pittsburgh is once again a hockey town (for now)
• There is a bill in the PA House to allow for convenience and grocery stores to sell 6 packs of beer. People are flipping out saying that it would make it easier for minors to be able to get beer. I am sorry people, PA is in the stone age on this one. My experience only lies in WV and IL but you can go into the Grocery and get beer, wine and liquor. You can walk in to Sheetz in WV and get a case of beer. PA likes to stick to this commonwealth moniker but it doesn't mean we have to run our govt. like we are still in prohibition!!!
  
• I am now addicted to Google Reader.. check it out. You can take all the RSS feeds of all the sites you visit and have them all in one nice little window. Also tells you when there are new entries on the sites. Pretty nice
• It is going to be fucking cold this weekend. 15 is the highest it gets. That little shit Phil finally didn't see his shadow for the first time since 99. So hopefully this winter will be short lived. I hate winter.
• Headed to Chi-town this weekend....
  
• I work with idiots. I love how the VP has now signed and agreed to an order, I order it, it arrives and he flips out and says he didn't agree yet I have his signature. Not to mention this morning he told me that he asked the purchasing person about giving me permission to order (which I told him she did) and he said that she did tell me that like I was lying to him. It is so obvious why US Steel isn't what it used to be, it has idiots like him running the place.
  

The Next Year....

Today is that fateful day.. the day where my life changed more drastically than I ever could have imagined. I didn't know how I would feel, how I would react when I woke up, or even how I would make it through the day. It hasn't been terrible, I haven't been too upset, even though I did get upset last night. I truly think the loss of my dad will define the better part of the rest of my life.
There was a quote on Grey's Anatomy last night that struck it home to me..

I don't know how I will live in a world where he doesn't.

I thought that said a lot. I still haven't figured it out yet either and who knows when I will. So, the day is about half done .. I slept in a little today. The interview was ok, I can't really get a read on it yet. The good news is Emily accepted my offer and the divorce is going to be finalized. I can finally get some financial freedom by refinancing the house. So at least one step in the right direction.

That is about all I have right now, I am really numb today with words. Hopefully that didn't come across in my interview, but if it did so be it. The guy did comment on how good I dressed so that is always a plus.

Life, Love, Happiness

A new year has begun... I walked into 2007 thinking that this year would be a much better year for me. Last year was just bad.. I don't know how else to put it. Yes, I had some great times last year that I won't forget but at the same time life events have overshadowed those things.

Sometimes I feel like I am being set up. The holidays this year were great. Mom and GMA Mary came up and I hosted XMAS at my house for the first time. SS was here for 9 days and I enjoyed the time we spent together, a fun NYE with a bunch of friends etc.. So I thought wow, this is a great beginning to a new year. A few days later I got a call from the CEO of Vivisimo asking me to come in and talk to him. I was stunned. It is rare that a CEO calls anyone to come in, that is typically left to HR or "managers". I decided to go in and talk to him to see what he has to say. I don't ever feel it is bad to explore my options.

Unfortunately that was the last good thing that happened that has sent things into a downward spiral. By accepting this "interview" SS has broken things off with me b/c the job is here and not in Chicago. Work has been absolutely miserable. My boss was made boss over basically the whole staff except administration and he is on a super power trip and just treating me worse than ever. Next Friday (ironically when the interview is) will be a year since I lost my dad. I am still trying to settle the divorce with Emily. Things are close but we have both been busy and it is hard to get things done.

I just have way too much on top of me right now.. a divorce, my dad, losing what I thought was my second chance on having a happy life, work etc. It is truly melting my brain and turning me into this lump of nothing that is just miserable and lonely.

Honestly when I step back and look at everything, the divorce was not a great moment in my life and for the longest time I thought it would be the event that haunted me forever but when I lost my dad .. that just changed my world. I still am so lost without him, even a year later. I just can't get past him being gone.. I thought was doing better, but I think the fact that the year date is Friday it is just making it worse.. on top of not having him to talk to about all this other shit.

Things with SS have gotten me down too and there isn't much I can do to fix it. It basically comes down to if I want to be with her I have to move. While leaving Pittsburgh looked attractive 8-9 months ago, it doesn't look as so now. My family has all called and basically begged me not to leave. I worry that if I do move I won't be happy and just be going through the motions of life. Yes I do want to be with her, people tell me that I shouldn't want to be by the way I am talked to and treated but I can't help it. She smiles and I smile and not to many people in this world give me that. I really thought she was my "gift" from losing my dad.. something given to me to help ease the pain of loss and a new confidant. I was really hurt when the selfishness fell in that me going to an interview here pushed her into breaking it off with me.

I continually wonder every day.. will I have a good life, will I feel love(d), will I be happy. Right now those things are far far out of reach and I really don't know if I will find them anytime soon.

Happy Holidays

For my 1 .. maybe 2 readers... Happy Holidays.

This should be an interesting and hopefully great holiday season. I am hosting xmas at my house for my mom, grandma, and SS. Then SS is here till the 2nd of Jan so hopefully it is a joyous, fun and relaxing time.

Can I do anything right?...

That is the question I have been asking myself more frequently these days. The year is winding down and hopefully that is a good thing for me because I really need a fresh start. As has been discussed at length, I haven't had the best year... it was well shittastic to say the least. My job has really just beaten me down so much that I really have no idea what to do or know if I could even function in a different job.

I am looking forward to xmas and a break. I am taking the last week off of work which should be a nice relaxing time to spend with Family and Friends and SS. I desperately need it as I just can't stand coming to this hell hole. My upcoming yearly review is going to be bad from what I have been told and unfairly so. I guess my boss has decided to either make an example out of me, make me want to quit, or hold me to this unreachable standard. So, I will get a bad rating and another shitty raise as usual. I don't think any person under 50 yrs old will get any respect here even if they have been working here almost 6 years.

It is really funny to see how people are treated so differently in a company of 14 people. Some people get off scott free b/c that is the "way they are" or "are going through a rough time" but god for bid that I get that same level of treatment. For me it is who cares if his dad died and he is going through a divorce, lets be even harder on him. So I have a feeling by tomorrow I will be either unemployed or only employed for a few more weeks. I am really tired of this place and there is no way that we could ever build MAGLEV with the lack of management here.

Xmas is stressing me out also. I am hosting at my house and I want it to be nice which involves trees and decorating and all that jazz. Well I don't mind decorating, but seeing that everything that I owned holiday related was taken by Emily except for maybe 10 ornaments. So, I have to buy all new crap. So I have a tree, which I am working on fanning out (I never knew artificial took so much work) put my my g-mas village and found some lights that I might put outside. But unfortunately I don't think I am going to be done before this weekend which means I won't be able to enjoy it as much as I would have liked to, but that is how it goes. I hope things go well when everyone is at the house. It is going to be tough enough the way it is without any added stress. I hope it goes well, I just want it to be right and easy on my mom.

I generally think that either I am just cursed or hexed or something b/c things just don't go my way. I know people have it harder than me, but at the same time I find it all relative. Things do not fall in my favor.. well ever. I guess I am hoping that next year will bring new life and new hope and all that mushy jazz. I luckily have Mexico to look forward to. (SS and her parents and I are going on a cruise in March). So I am going to try to focus on that even though it is 3 months away.

one of the vp's said to me yesterday that I need to start being happy. Honestly if I could figure out how to do that I would. I don't even want to hear the shrink stuff b/c it isn't for me. I just don't believe in them nor have they proven anything to me as being helpful. I want to be happy, it is just hard to find that place. Hopefully in 20 years when I look back at this time (as he was telling me it goes way to fast) I will have something to say I overcame to be a better person, but for now my vision is way too tunneled

It has been a long time...

So I have basically taken off 3-4 months I guess from blogging. Why I have no idea. But it is time to start back and start chronicling my crazy life. The holidays are here, the divorce is coming closer to final and things are changing rapidly. While I don't have much to talk about at the moment the past few months have been quite interesting:

• I spent Thanksgiving with a new family
• WVU blew it .. as usual
• Steelers are horrible
• I am once again questioning if I will ever be relationship material
• Dad's memorial bench is in.
• Christmas is going to be at my house
• I am hopefully going to Mexico (maybe) in March
• I will never understand women, ever
• The BCS is lame
• I will never understand why people stay married when they are absolutely miserable
• Why do all the celebs like the flash their poon... drop your rack out, please!
• For the first time in my life I am starting to really question if Love is enough
• I work with idiots
  

thats all I have for now. Hopefully the mood will begin to strike me again to start talking about my life and rants and whatever .....

F Slutenna Miller

So... the "semi-famous (according to the PG)" actress Sienna Miller called Pittsburgh Shitsburgh in Rolling Stone that hit news stands today. Wait a minute.. who is this beeoytch? I haven't even heard of her until today.

Luckily some other bloggers have jumped on this and I truthfully don't even need to say a word besides F her. Pittgirl has been all over it at her blog I suggest checking it out:

Post 1

Post 2

Post 3

Also Judge Rufus Peckham has a nice spin on the story over at the carbolicsmokeblog

Sienna Miller Crucified

I might just go down to the Omni William Penn to give her some shit. Might have to throw in that Jude Law cheated on her with their nanny... wonder why? Because she is fucking crazy?


UPDATE
So I have been looking around the net and a bunch of people are covering this so here are some more links for your viewing pleasure:

Perez Hilton's take on it ** Make sure you read the comments, my favorite: Someone should shove a perogie up her cunt.

Pittsburgh Channel's info and viewer responses

This is blowing up huge and if you all do remember when Tommy Maddox threw that int against Jacksonville last year to lose and is front lawn got trashed, I can't wait to see what happens to this bitch!!

MeeVee - what I am watching

So that little "widget" over there ---->

This is the larger version of it for now. I will play with the theme layout later to get it set properly. It is a neat page that allows you to pick your favorite shows, and it tells you when they are on and on what channel. Who knew that My So Called Life is still in syndication!


<

It's been a while

So I realized that I have not blogged in forever, and a lot has happened. So here is a quick synopsis of my travels and tribulations...

I took a long vacation (11 or so days) and went to Chicago, Seattle and the Gorge Amphitheater. Had a great time through the whole trip, spending time with SS, my best friend Jeremy who I hadn't seen in a few years and going to the Gorge to see DMB. Chicago was great as usual from watching softball to going the movies to even cleaning out SS's garage, it was a blast.
I got to see Seattle, Pikes Market, Space Needle etc... on a touristy day. Spent lots of time with Bailey his 5 yr old son and McKenzie his 1.5 yr old daughter. Hit the Gorge for 3 nights of DMB and lots of XBOX playing in the hotel. Great vacation for sure.

I headed back to Chicago a couple weeks ago for the weekend and saw DMB again and got to go to Wrigley Field and the Celtic Festival. It was a jam packed weekend, and I had a hell of a time getting a flight. Mine got delayed 3 times and then cancelled. I had to buy a 190 buck one way ticket to get to Chi-town but it was worth it. I finally got to see George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic. Let me tell you, interesting stuff.. guys on stage in a PIMP suit doing his best rendition of Cirque du Soleil and some guy just wearing a diaper. Crazy stuff.

SS and I went with her parents to the Celtic Festival. It was a different experience for me since I had never been to one and hanging out with her parents is a good thing, gives them some opportunity to kinda get to know me. We were pretty tired from the day before and truthfully got bored but it was better than sitting at home so I am not going to complain. Sunday she took me to Wrigley Field, a place I have dreamed of going. So happy to finally get to go there!!!

This past weekend SS and I went to Charlottesville to see DMB (yes again) at the last tour stop in the place it all started. We went to Millers to have a drink where they all met, the warehouse where the first show was (yes same as the song) and had a good time. There was some crazy stuff N2 with a guy coming out on stage which made them cut Last Stop from the set which sucked, but Robert Randolph joined the band for a great Bayou N2 and an amazing 2 step N1.

Monday would have been Dad's 60th b-day. I don't know if I am more upset about him not being here to enjoy it or me not being able to bust his balls. Either way I think I am dealing more with that whole situation well. I don't breakdown and cry as much instead I reflect more on the great things about him. I still miss him a lot.. and hope he enjoyed #60 with a tall Smirnoff and soda no fruit!

So it was a great summer: a new love, 13 DMB shows, Chicago, NYC, C'ville, Seattle, new friends, old friends and new beginnings. If I read back through this blog I figure it would look more "down" as a summer for me, but after reflecting on the whole thing.. it turned out pretty well.

Mountaineers are 4-0 ... and ranked #4 so here is to a great fall (hopefully the Steelers come around!)

Back From Vacation...

And I'm back. In my normal fashion I am going to wait to write about vacation because I have 10 days to remember and that will take some time with my slow brain.

WVU looked good on Sat. hopefully it continues

Steelers tonight, without Ben. Charlie will come through (hopefully).

And finally a link that I came across.

MyBlackBook.org.
I swear there is nothing that is private anymore... i guess people like to show off their conquests!

That's it for now.

Off on vacation

I am heading out for a long vacation (11 or so days) which will take me to Chicago, Seattle and the Gorge to see DMB. I am glad to have this time because I have a major job decision on the line here and this weekend will be good for me to figure it out. So once Monday comes I will be turning off my brain and just enjoying myself

.... so this experiment is officially on hold!

15 things you didn't know about a penis

On one of my many flights this summer I decided to pick up a Men's Health and got hooked on the mag. I was speaking with Mr. Supremacy today about Matthew Mcconaughey today since he had an enhanced picture of his stuff on his blog. I said teenie weenie as a joke and he said that he is probably a grower not a show-er. So that reminded me of the article and I told him about how you can uncircumcise yourself, and that was his chance to become Jewish. So here is that list :

15 things you don't know about your penis

By: Mike Zimmerman, Illustrations by: Jason Holley

1. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter. Erections are all about good bloodflow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don't care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the li'l guy.

2. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters, which would be enough to tarp every Major League infield with human flesh.

3. An enlarged prostate gland can cause both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. If you have an unexplained case of either, your doctor's looking forward to checking your prostate. Even if you're not.

4. The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds. Which means if women were really interested in equality, they'd make sure we have four orgasms for every one of theirs.

5. The oldest known species with a penis is a hard-shelled sea creature called Colymbosathon ecplecticos. That's Greek for "amazing swimmer with large penis." Which officially supplants Buck Naked as the best porn name, ever.

6. Circumcised foreskin can be reconstructed. Movable skin on the shaft of the penis is pulled toward the tip and set in place with tape. Later, doctors apply plastic rings, caps, and weights. Years can pass until complete coverage is attained. . . . Okay, we'll shut up now.

7. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure. It's estimated, however, that all 400 have given it their best shot at some point.

8. There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn't get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).

9. An international Men's Health survey reports that 79 percent of men have growers, 21 percent have showers.

10. German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds. Are we that good or that bad?

11. Turns out size does matter: The longer your penis, the better "semen displacement" you'll achieve when having sex with a woman flush with competing sperm. That's according to researchers at the State University of New York, who used artificial phalluses (ahem) to test the "scooping" mechanism of the penis's coronal ridge. Next up: curing cancer.

12. The penis that's been enjoyed by the most women could be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly deflowered 37,800 women between the years 1770 and 1784 -- that's about seven virgins a day. Go ahead, say it: It's good to be king.

13. Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average, and lousy sperm -- and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.

14. No brain is necessary for ejaculation. That order comes from the spinal cord. Finding a living vessel for said ejaculation, however, takes hours of careful thought and, often, considerable amounts of alcohol.

15. The most common cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation. Some risks are just worth taking.

Research by the editors of Men's Health Germany

Thanks for the inspiration Mr. Chamberstein

Reflections

Lately I have been reflecting a lot on life in general with this current re scripting of things. I don't know if it is the fact that things have changed from what I expected my life to be or what. Five years ago I would have never thought I would be without a dad, divorced, not working at MAGLEV, not speaking to my best girl friend etc.. I have always struggled with failure and some of the things that happened really make me feel like I have failed.

I am a change the world type of guy. I can't be that person that comes in to a situation, ignores all the crappy things and doesn't try to change them. Maybe that is the problem? People seem to be much less jaded about their jobs than I do because they just go in and work and come home. They don't worry about the office politics or other people there, they just work and get their paycheck. I have tried to be that person but I just can't. It is so tough to see a dream go down the tubes because of crappy decisions and it just doesn't work for me. Maybe that is where I fail in the corporate world. I see down a visionary path and in Pittsburgh the leaders of most of the companies here see down a tunnel (Westinghouse or US Steel tunnels). I guess I will continue to evolve and learn the whole corp world.

The divorce thing is what it is. She has made decisions that I tend to think she is regretting by what she says but I am pretty certain it will be the best for me. She really likes her job and wants to be that corp. person that I can't be. I think I have found someone better for me now and maybe I can stop looking at that as a failure and start seeing it as a learning experience. I still think she left for stupid reasons but now I don't really care and am ready to move on.

From reading what I already wrote I digressed into subjects I really didn't intend to write about but I guess were on my mind. The real thing I have been thinking about lately is my dad. Saturday was the 7 month mark from his passing and I still am terribly upset. I was a semi-wreck that day between thinking about that and the fact my mom was traveling to Seattle and on to Alaska I was just worried. The 19th has been a bad day for me between Dad's passing and Emily moving out that date just doesn't sit well with me. I am glad that SS was here this weekend to be there for me when I was losing it. She kept me from going overboard with the whole thing. People tell me that it will get better with time but I disagree with that fact. I am still upset, I still want to talk to him. It really bites that I can't call him and tell him about stuff, or talk to him about nothing. He was always my comfort factor. If I was having a bad day I would just call him and bullshit and it would be over. He had a great outlook on life in general and it helped ground me. I have so much going on in my life right now and I really want to be able to talk to him about it. Also my favorite time with him is right around the corner with football season. I so looked forward to spending time with him every Sat. in Morgantown. There is just something so special about that for me. It is going to be so hard to go back there and not see him. I even get upset sitting here writing about it. It is even more difficult this week because my mom is on vacation and generally unreachable and I don't have him to talk to. With a large decision on the horizon, it scares me that I might have to make this decision on my own. I do make a lot of decisions on my own and rarely look for input from my folks and more of acceptance. This time is a little different though as my doubts seem to intensify with job related decisions. I don't know if he ever hears my thoughts, my words or somehow reads this crazy experiment known as my blog but I hope he does. He and my mom have shaped me in many ways and I tend to think I harnessed the best qualities from both of them. I really just wish he was around to spend time with. I really hate the fact I am 28 and I will never be able to talk to him again, or him meet my children (if that ever happens), or see me become president (yea right).. maybe a just a local race to start politics.

I guess what makes the whole thing tougher for me is I see how much my mom is struggling. I can't really talk to her about it because I get upset and then it makes her even more upset to see me hurting. I am really really worried about her and just don't know what to do. I am trying to spend as much time as I can with her but I don't know if it is enough. August 31st is their wedding anniversary and luckily she will be somewhere in Alaska enjoying a vacation, I just hope it doesn't overwhelm her.

I am going to cut this off for now because it I can't be crying at work, I don't need to answer those questions from people nor do I want to. Hopefully my ramblings will continue to help me "grieve" but who knows. It is really tough being alone and while most of the time I embrace it, lately I loathe it. Without dad, SS 7 hours away, my 2 friends here that don't talk to me anymore, and the constant drama that I go through, being alone has been extremely detrimental to my attitude.

Next week is a long vacation and hopefully I can come back refreshed with a better outlook on things. Otherwise it will be a LONG winter.

And we're back...

Princeton Reviews 2007 edition of "The Best 361 Colleges." is upcoming and the Party School list is out. WVU returns to the list after a few years off. When I was a Soph. in college we were rated #1. The next year Playboy rated the party schools and put a * beside our name and said sorry we don't rank Professionals. SO here is the latest installment of the party schools and nice to see PSU and WVU bringing it home. I have so many memories from WVU and it was such a fantastic 4 1/2 years. If it wasn't for the fact I like "bigger cities" I would live in Morgantown in a second.

Top 10 Party Schools (courtesy of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

1. University of Texas at Austin
2. Penn State University

3. West Virginia University

4. University of Wisconsin-Madison
5. University of Mississippi
6. Ohio University
7. University of Massachusetts-Amherst
8. Louisiana State University
9. University of Iowa
10. University of California, Santa Barbara

Push for the Pirates

I love the Pirates, I love PNC Park, I despise the management of the Pirates. I have been to probably around 10 games this year and watched part or all of over 1/2 of their games on TV.. and just the other 'burg peeps I am getting tired of there is always next year..

Well folks hope is on the way (well at least I think it is a good idea). PittGirl and her friends have created a website with a letter to Mr. Mark Cuban himself asking him to BUY THE PIRATES. For those of you fans that are interested in this, step on over there, leave a comment, write Cuban do whatever. It's time for a change!

Fortune Cookies, do they tell the truth?

The other day I got a fortune cookie that read:

A new chapter in your life is being written

Now usually with fortune cookies I take a different route than believing. My dirty mind inserts at the end of each fortune "in bed" now typically this works well because I tend to find the fortunes garbage, but I found one that I think might actually be right.


Why do I think that is the real question because I am a glass half empty kinda guy. I have gone through so much shit over the past 7 months I never thought things would show some hint of turning around. Don't get me wrong, I am not holding hope in this whole life turn around. I have gotten excited and let down too many times to allow for that. So instead I speculate and at least ponder the chance.

So what is being written in this current chapter of my life:

• SS is a total bright spot for me. She is here this week and we finally get to experience some "normal life settings" (I am working these days that she is here)
• I have hired a lawyer and am moving forward with the divorce finally. Seems that Emily and I are even able to discuss this stuff without our lawyers and without fighting. I am hoping that we can resolve this easily and without lawyer arguments.
• I got a phone call about a job I have been waiting to hear about for something like 8 months. They finally got their money and I will find out next Wednesday if I can get out of this hell hole
• The notion that I am leaving is such a great thing. I can't wait till MLI realizes how much work I did here and that they need at least 3 people to replace me. If the new opportunity gives me that great, but either way whenever I find a new job this will make me happy
• Football season is around the corner and I get to watch the defending super bowl champs go for a repeat and WVU go for a National Championship
• Vacations upcoming to Seattle and Heaven's Amphitheater (Gorge) and 2 trips to Chicago
• The possibility of the "A Field" at Mary Lou Retton Park in Fairmont, WV being named after my father, who spent so much time making that field great.
• The Dave Matthews Band continuing its amazing journey and filling up my summer calendar.

So hopefully this new chapter will involve happiness and dare I say love? Who knows if I am capable of that again, but we shall see. I just hope that there is some level of tranquility where I can go through a day and not have something go wrong or worry about something. I wish the same for my mom who is really having a tough go of it. I think my family needs some luck on their side and hopefully this new chapter will not only be written for me but also for the Bond/Yerace family.

NYC

Finally I am getting to talk about my wonderful trip to NYC a week or so ago. So here it goes.

Friday

My morning was absolutely hectic as traffic was miserable getting to the airport. I didn't think I would ever make my 7:30 flight when I got to the airport at 6:45. I saw the security line and about lost it. So I thought what the hell I might as well try to make it. I walked up to the kiosk and I couldn't print my boarding pass. So I went up stairs to see a HUGE line for check in. I got through this line at about 7:15 and they had cancelled my reservation. I cancelled one of the 2 tickets I had b/c my friend couldn't go with me but they ended up canceling both. So I finally got the ticket and took off running. Luckily they had a secondary security line open. I got through it and looked at my watch and it was 7:22. I thought there was No way I would make this flight I took off running through the terminal and by some luck, I made it in time to board the plane.

We both got to LGA airport at pretty much the same time which worked out great. That airport is crazy, I had to take a bus to another terminal to find SS and get our stuff together. I was pretty tired from not sleeping much the night before and anxious because I haven't seen her in a while but it all went away when I got off the bus. It was great to finally see her, touch her etc.. again. We grabbed a cab and headed down to Midtown Manhattan.

First stop was our hotel, Milford Plaza. I have stayed here before and it is a nice little hotel in the heart of Broadway and 2 blocks from Times Square. We got very lucky as a room was ready and we were checked in at like 10:30a when it is normally a 3 pm check in. We got situated and then headed out to see the sights.

SS had never been to NYC so I was really excited to show her around. We walked over to Restaurant Row to have some lunch. Nice little place and I love RR, fixed price menus and lots of choices. After a good lunch, we took the Grey Line bus tour around so we could see everything with out walking it all. We had two concerts this weekend to stand through so giving the dogs a rest was a good idea. Our tour guide was a rather old fella and he tended to repeat himself to drive the point home. We went through most of the tour getting off up towards Central Park. Had some drama happen during the tour with some text messages from a crazy girl which I will talk about more in another post. Once the tour was done we did some walking, saw Radio City Music Hall, St. Patricks Cathedral etc. Then we went to SS favorite place, Tiffany's. We avoided the engagement ring floor, more as a joke than anything but did end up buying a nice necklace to match the rest of her stuff. We then headed out towards Central Park and got to go in the new Apple store.. very cool place.

The final stop for the day on the LONG walking tour was Central Park. SS is a huge DMB fan just like me so I figured that we should walk up so I could show her where the CP show was on the great lawn. I really enjoy CP, this tranquil place in the middle of this fast pace city is really neat. We walked all through it, clear up to the great lawn which is a long way. We sat at the Great Lawn and watched some softball and relaxed. It was a gorgeous day and we took advantage. After relaxing we headed back out of CP towards the entrance to jump on a horse and carriage. This was really nice and relaxing. The "driver" gave a lot of great facts about CP and it was so nice out, it was around sunset and the park is just so so peaceful. I was completely relaxed and very happy and I am pretty sure SS enjoyed it. It was supposed to be a surprise but in my infinite wisdom I asked her friend if SS would like it and she spilled the beans. Surprised or not I think it was a really really nice thing.

After that we headed back to the Hotel to change and then went to restaurant Row for dinner again. Nice Italian place, good food and a couple martinis :). It was pretty late by this time and we were exhausted so we headed back to the hotel for the evening.

Saturday

We got up Saturday and headed out to our Brunch destination Essex in the lower east side. Miss Bitch (blog linked on the side) suggested this place as a great spot and boy was she right. For $15.50 we got 3 drinks and food. I started out with a super spicy Bloody Mary and SS had a screwdriver. I ordered the sausage gravy biscuits and eggs and she had a super huge omelet. We proceeded to down 3 or 4 more drinks, mimosas and screwdrivers. The drinks kept on coming b/c SS started talking to one of the hostesses/waitresses and found out they were both from Chicago etc.. so she kept on bringing us drinks. We finally stopped her b/c we were already 1/2 way shitfaced and had a concert to go to. Either on the way down or on the way back we stopped at this store to grab a USB drive for SS and I was looking for some sunglasses. I tried on some killer dolce & gabbana glasses that were pimp. I think the price was $200 and unsure of their authenticity I balked. He then tried some wheeling and dealing, gave me 30% off etc.. then I knew that they could be fake so I bailed.

Now this is where the fun begins, SS drug me to Madame Tussauds wax museum. It was expensive but a good time. The figures looked real and we were drunk cheesing it up with them for pictures and stuff. I had a good time even though I hate to admit it. Some funny pictures of me with the Rock, Prince and my man Bill Clinton. SS took some really funny ones with Joe Montana, Usher, her obsession Regis and N*Sync. Good times...

We headed back to the hotel and took a nap till about 2.

We got up and headed out to the show at Randalls Island. I had 6 tickets to sell, 2 sets of lawn for night 1 and 1 set of seats for Night 2. I got 50 dollars out of them which was horrible. There were tickets everywhere and I didn't want to deal with it so.. I took the money and ran.
Night one was a good show, Bela Fleck and the Flecktones opened first, then Govt. Mule and then DMB. Our seats were horrible, couldn't see the band at all, the people around us just stood around and didn't even sing and about 1/2 way through just left the section. So, SS and I had a ton of room and she was dancing all over the place. The band put on a good set with a Cortez the Killer highlight w/ Warren Haynes and #41 w/ the Flecktones. Once the show was over the clusterfuck began. It took us over 3 hours to get off the island and to midtown. They weren't prepared at all for all the people they needed to bus out of there to the subway. It was really lame and frustrating. We stopped at one of my fav. pizza joints once we got back to midtown and then hit the sack.

Sunday

We got up and went in search of sunglasses and lunch. We walked up to Hotel QT, this little boutique hotel that I stayed at last year in NYC which is awesome. Found a pair of sunglasses too for $9 so I was well on my way. We also checked out the MTV store which was kinda lame. We ate a a place called Chevy's for lunch. It was a chainy Mexican place but SS really liked it from when she ate there in Chicago. The food wasn't bad, the Margartias were awesome, I had a sour apple one. We walked around some more then headed back to the hotel for a little bit of sleep then it was off to another show at Randalls.

Tonight we were in like the 10th row and they were awesome. Bela opened again and then I finally got to see David Gray. If you haven't heard him, he is a must see.. his music is awesome, the guys got no rhythm when he dances but he can sing. DMB was really good even though the cut out my favorite song from the set list (Seek Up). Bela guested on Lie in Our Graves and Bela and the Flecktones guested on Jimi Thing. It was a great show, lots of energy. We got to meet Victor Wooten, the bassist for the Flectones as he was just hanging out in our section. The night before we saw Rashawn Ross but he was on his cell and seemed not to want to be bothered. Tonight was much less of a problem getting back to the hotel we were down there by 12:30 so a little over an hour. We ate at this joint by our hotel that wasn't too bad and then headed to bed.

All in all it was a fantastic weekend. Monday was too short from when we woke up (6am) till our flights (11am) it seemed like it was barely an hour. NYC is always a great time and being there with SS was just awesome as she would say.

So Much To Say

The trip to NYC was excellent and I have a ton to talk about. I finally got something to do at work so things are going to be busy. I have some good pictures and great memories to share and hopefully will get to it sometime today. Drama tends to follow me and it happened again this weekend and it just makes me wonder why people like to talk about me so much.

Anyhow, I am not really happy about being back at work or being away from SS but I am coping. It will be a busy week for me. I have to finish my freelance web project this week and have a meeting with my lawyer which is a good thing but makes me nervous.

So that's it for now, hopefully more later.

Off to New York City ....

I can't say how excited I am to get out of the burgh for a weekend and head to NYC. It isn't the burgh that is the problem, it is my shitty job and generally shitty life (or outlook on it). So, I get to head to NYC with SS for the weekend. We are staying a few blocks from Times Square (that picture over there is one I took in 2000 when I was there). SS has never been to NYC so it should be a fun time. I by no means am a "great" travel guide but I know some places and thanks to my good friend Miss Bitch (and her living vicariously through me when it comes to eating at restaurants) it should be a packed weekend.

Of course I am going to see Dave Matthews Band this weekend (when don't I) and their festival at Randall's Island. I went last year and it was a good time but this year looks even better. Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, David Grey, Gov't Mule, Slightly Stoopid will all be there so a lot to listen to!

For the first time though this is really different for me, I always am geared up to see DMB, as I have talked about before they just make me happy and that is something I crave right now. This time though I think I am just looking forward to seeing SS. It has been close to or over a month since we have hung out and I look forward to spending time with her.

I do have the worst luck though. Last weekend while helping my friend Jodi move, I stepped on the edge of their driveway and twisted my ankle. Of course this is the ankle that I have spent weeks on crutches for previous injuries. It has been swelling like a bitch so hopefully it clears up. I was going to write more about how bad luck tends to fall my way but now is not the time. I am in a I don't give a fuck mood and when 3:30 rolls around (or whenever my boss leaves) I am on vacation and I can't wait to touch down tomorrow in NYC.

To all of my other friends that are traveling to Chicago or elsewhere, have a safe and happy weekend. I am considering laying a bet down that one of my friends might not come back from Chicago... :)

Have a great weekend everyone.

Littlefield = idiot

Once again the Pirates have traded 1/2 the team off and got little to nothing in return.

Sean Casey, 1B, to Tigers --> Brian Rogers, P to Pirates
Roberto Hernandez, P, & Oliver Perez, P, to Mets Xavier --> Nady, RF, to Pirates
Kip Wells, P, to Rangers --> Jesse Chavez, P, to Pirates
Craig Wilson, RF, to Yankees --> Shawn Chacon, P, to Pirates

My favorite part of the whole thing is Littlefields quote:

Asked to assess his day, Littlefield replied, "I don't want to be in this situation, making trades. My goal is to win. We want to be in the position where we're acquiring players because we're battling for a playoff spot."

I'm sorry but you have NEVER wanted to win because you trade off everyone and don't get anything in return. I just read an article that talked about how Littlefield wanted Perez and Nady from the Padres a few years ago instead of Jason Bay. Are you kidding me? Jason Bay is the cornerstone of this franchise and he didn't want him. Goes to show that this guy has no clue how to run a baseball team.

McClatchy.. spend some fucking money or sell the team to Mark Cuban... at least he would buy some players that could get us above .500.

Just when the Pirates win 5 in a row, have over 100,000 people in attendance for the weekend series they just get rid of people.

Now don't get me wrong, I think Craig Wilson sucks and I am glad he is gone. Hernandez was fine too, he is an older reliever that would give a young guy a shot. I am 50/50 on Kip Wells, he has been hurt and wasn't given any chance by the Pirates this year, just like Josh Fogg last year. Perez needed to be kept, the kid is going through something that none of us know, but he is a talented pitcher. Sean Casey should have been able to retire a Pirate. He infused this team with energy and great hitting and if it wasn't for a freak accident at 1st base earlier this year he would have won at least 10 of those one run games for us. Big mistake on this one.

Here's to Dave Littlefield and wonderful management, get ready for another 5 years of losing seasons... but we are used to that right?

Just to add to this, a blog I read the carbolicsmokeblog has some great stuff about the Pirates trades... cracks me up.

A few funny links

After my latest rant I figure some comic relief was in order ...

Bang Bang Bang...

and for those idiots you encounter on a daily basis

send them this

Insanity my ass

-- begin rant

So since I have absolutely nothing to do at work, I read the internet. I swear I have been through the whole thing in the last 2 weeks. Anyhow, I am about ready to scream (about work and now about our judicial system).

How can Andrea Yates get off of drowning her children with an insanity plea? I mean come on she murdered her 5 children. Better yet the article says she will be monitored for her progress at a state institution for her possible release. CNN ARTICLE

RELEASE?????? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.

Not to mention that she was only tried on 3 counts of murder.. what happened to the other 2, were they just forgotten?

My favorite part is this:

"Prosecutors had maintained that Yates failed to meet the state's definition of insanity: that a severe mental illness prevents someone who is committing a crime from knowing that it is wrong."

How can you not know, no matter how crazy you are that it is wrong to drown your children. Give me a break ... and give her the chair.

Our judicial system is increasingly growing a joke. The president can pardon who ever the fuck he wants, so can governors. Jury's give out money to people who hurt themselves breaking in to peoples homes and we won't even talk about the hot coffee and McDonald's thing.

I must say I am growing increasingly doubtful of our judicial system and that is great seeing that I will be dealing with it twice over the next few months. Maybe I can get them to deem my ex insane and they can lock her up for a few decades and give me all of her money.

-- End Rant

My Daily blog reading...

I thought I would share some of the blogs I read since that is about all I do all day:

Dwight sent me this one which I find extremely funny, especially the new Pittsburgh Early Warning system that goes off 10 min before each Pirates game to warn of a distaster

Carbolic Smoke Blog

There are some blogs listed over there ------->
that I read (burghblog, Dwight Supremacy etc..)

I also have been reading thanks to SS

Perez Hilton

and a few others that I have come across

Lifehacker, the Productivity and Software Guide
Dlisted
T&A: Tunesmith & Anthony’s Blog - That’s what I’m talkin’ about
Pittsburgh Dish

That is a pretty good list for now.. go out there and visit 'em b/c they are a good read.!

I hate my job

I swear I work with idiots. Everyone here is so self-loathing, know it all assholes ... it is amazing. Last week I basically had to redo an entire proposal because the person it was assigned to did a terrible job and was over a month late in finishing it. So, I worked 22 hours in 2 days to redo an entire proposal. This happens every time ... I have redone so many peoples work around here it is ridiculous. And for what??? A lower salary than 90% of the company and to be treated like shit everyday.

Today we have a meeting about some dumb roundtable thing we are having, no one is prepared, and I basically have to do the whole damn thing in the meeting in which I wasn't even invited to initially. I am so tired of being an after thought.

I have to find a new job, I can not take this place any longer. I am on the verge of bartending again over this place. I swear I am going to go postal one day on someone and it will not be pretty.

Celebrating AJ's birthday

A little Photoshop fun from:

Dwight



Jacky:



and me:

Random links from Craig's List

I like Craig's List, and it just cracks me up sometimes. I tend to like to rant and these rants are just classic. So here are some of my latest fav's from the "best of craig's list"

• To the person/slut who disposed of their DILDO in my yard
• Office Poop Survival Guide
• Some Advice from your Criminal Defense Attorney

Thats it for now, I will probably add more to this list later.. enjoy. See what a bored day at work gets me into?

The Last Kiss

I love Zach Braff, I am a big Scrubs fan and Garden State is my top 2 favorite movie. So thanks to Lori I got to see the trailer of his new movie with none other than Rachel Bilson as his co-star who I think is really f'in hot.

The Last Kiss

Weekend, Worries, Women, Wonder

The weekend has come and gone again way to fast. Summer has finally arrived, it is fucking hot out there today (and yesterday). My weekend was pretty tame, nothing exciting in general but here is the breakdown (besides the hours of phone and texts with SS :) ) :

Weekend

Friday: I went to this lame ass bar with Lance, Jen and Crystal for some Karoke. I wanted to go to Cappy's but they didn't want to come to Shadyside. I did get to see their new house, which is very nice and should fit them perfectly. Lance got hammered so we were at the bar all of a hour and a half. We took him home, Jen Crystal and I talked a little bit then I headed on home.

Saturday: I completed most of my list of things to do including going through my mail, getting my oil changed, buying bones for Piper, and cleaning out my car. I went to the Pirates game that night with a stop at Ugly. For those of you that don't know Ugly is a pretty cool place and the official home of the Mountaineers in Pittsburgh. Had some food with some of my friends (Kate, Melissa and her boy and Jodi) and we headed over to see the Pirates win a great game.

Sunday: I went home to help my mom out with some stuff. Worked in the yard, in the house etc.. and came home exhausted.

Worries

I am starting to worry more about my mom. I can tell this whole thing is still really beating on her. I try to get home and help her as much as I can but sometimes it is too much for me. Carrying the laundry downstairs to the basement for her and seeing my dad's chair was just destroying. I am trying to be there for her and offer as much as I can and I feel that I am part of the problem because I am constantly upset about things and talking to her about the divorce and the house problems and dad etc.. can't help. Not to mention that she is basically taking care of both of my grandmas because my uncle is being an asshole.

Basics of that story are he wouldn't come with us to spread my dads ashes b/c his son had a baseball game. It didn't upset my mom but it really hurt me. She told him about it, he didn't like it, they haven't spoken since which sucks AND they didn't invite me to the kids birthday party which is even more shitty.

I hope my mom can pull through this because I am not the 'rock' that she needs. I am rarely happy these days and it just seems to keep on spiraling downward. I just continue to worry about what is going to go wrong next.


Women

For once, this isn't a bad subject for me. I really enjoy talking to SS and really look forward to spending time with her. I have a very great close friend that I talk to everyday that helps me out a ton when I am in a bind or even not in one. I don't know too many people that ask if they can come work in your yard for you. I had a great time with Kate, Jodi and Melissa at the game. I am moving on more and more from Emily. I wish I wouldn't have had to go through everything that has happened but I am really feeling like it was for the best. That part of my life is starting to get a significant upgrade with my new woman .. well if we can ever be in the same place that is.

(I) Wonder...

if I will find a new job
if I will find a happy state for a longer period than 3 hours
if my friend will realize how he shit on me and apologize
if I am going the right direction with my life
if I should move
if I will be able to support myself
if I am there for my mom enough
if the Mountaineers will win the National Championship
if I am a bad person
if I am a good person
why people are scientologists
if god exists in more of a capacity than just "being there to talk to"
if my luck will ever change
if I will fall in love unconditionally
what I am going to eat for lunch
Could I have been ______ ?
when I will deem life "fair"
if my dad hears me when I talk to him
if I will ever be able to handle him not being here without starting to cry
if the Pirates will ever have a winning season again
if I will ever stop worrying
if I will ever live in the same city as SS
if I will ever get sick of seeing the Dave Matthews Band
when this post will end

Well at least I have an answer to the last one.

Who's tired of Hearing about Big Ben's accident

Ok, I am way over this. I am a huge Steelers fan and I want the best for our beloved qb, but I must tell you I am so TIRED of reading about it and hearing about it in the news for the past 3 days. (see the cover of the postgazette)

I feel bad that he was seconds from possibly dying I do, but come on. What did you expect with not wearing a helmet. So Pittsburgher's rejoice, He won't miss training camp... but be ready to hear about this for the next 9 months every time he throws a bad pass.

I guarantee that they will blame the accident for anything he does bad. Speaking of "blaming"..
Ben's publicist is a genius. Steelers fans were irate with him and to have the story of how he almost died circulating in the media definitely pulls on the heart strings and might just make them forget.. barring a terrible season.

All Star Game / festivities

It was a great week for the 'burgh as the city was on display for the world for the 2006 MLB All Star game. FanFest was awesome (pictures are on my site.. link over there --->) , the HR Derby was exciting and so was the game. The Pirates curse continues as the NL lost the game in the 9th. How about that red carpet?? pretty neat.

All in all I am glad to see that peoples attitudes towards Pittsburgh are starting to change.

This is a great article on ESPN about how we deserve a winning team, the city is great, and PNC is the BEST ballpark.

ESPN ARTICLE

Chicago

I had a wonderful vacation recently in Chicago. It was way to short but very "eye opening". I will try to cover it all in some sort of synopsis but as we all know, I tend to get off point very quickly.

Friday June 30th

I arrived in Chi-town around 8:30, my flight came in like 50 min late which sucked, but other than that I got the pleasure of coming down the escalator into baggage claim to have a wonderful young lady smiling up at me (here on out known as SS). I was much more calm than the first time we hung out (a few weeks ago in Pittsburgh). We have had a "different" relationship for a while I would say. We met ironically at a DMB show in Columbus in 05. We started emailing randomly to every day to.. 30 times a day, started talking on the phone, drunk dialing, all the good stuff and almost a year to the date later we actually spent a weekend together. So, this is weekend two of this journey. I was really happy to get there, she and I get a long well and getting out of town is always a good thing.

So, we head out to her place which is a good ways from downtown (I flew into Midway) and dropped off my bags, I got to meet Rapunzel her dog and see her digs. We went down to eat at the restaurant that she works at. Sat at the bar had lots of drinks and shots, and ate some dinner. I got to meet a few of her friends which was nice. The inquisitive person I am decided to ask her one friend what SS has said about me while she was in the bathroom. This friend had made the "oh so this is him" reaction when I was introduced so I was interested to see what
had been said. SS's friend said well you are the one she holds on a pedestal. Much to my surprise I thought this was a great thing, but I also knew I had a lot to live up to.

We had some more drinks, and then headed back to her place to hang out etc..

Saturday July 1st

Time to head to see DMB. We packed up the car, took the dog to her parents, picked up Shaina and Kyle and headed on to Alpine Valley. It was a long trip due to traffic (3 hours to go 90 miles). We had a great tailgate with her friend Proctor and some others and the show was good too. Sat in the parking lot for hours after the show with Shaina and Kyle (SS was dead asleep in the car :) .

Sunday July 2nd

After Shaina and Kyle headed out we went to this small town called Genevia Lake where SS spent a lot of time as a kid. We had some breakfast and some drinks (bloody mary's for me and mimosas for her). Then we had a real nice day walking around seeing the "downtown" and walking by the lake. I haven't been on a walk like that in a long time. Hand in Hand walking around just enjoying being with each other which was really nice. I didn't think I would feel happy in this way again after everything I have been through but there is just something good here that I want to harness. We went back to the room to get a short nap in before we headed to tailgate and to the show. I received an unfortunate text message that my ex-wifes grandma had passed so that kinda sucked but I just didn't let it ruin my day... it was too good and important to me to lose. Pretty much the same style as the night before .. SS slept in the car on the way back, we were both feeling no pain during the show and SS helped take the song "Smooth Rider" to another level for me. She also made me realize that orange might be my new favorite color :)

This was the day I think it there was more of a realization that there is some pretty large sparks between the two of us. We have both been through a lot of crap in our lives and it just seems right between us.

Monday July 3rd

We got up and headed to Geneva again for lunch on our way home. Stopped at her parents house to get the dog and then headed to her place. Had a nice afternoon relaxing and enjoying being with each other before we headed downtown. I really wanted to go watch the fireworks downtown and she obliged. She isn't big on crowds but it was very nice of her to do this for me.

We went and she showed me Millenium Park, the bean, this art/concert area I forget the name and then went on to the Taste of Chicago.

The taste was well lets say interesting. I loved being able to try all the food, until my stomach decided to hate me and I got sick. We walked the whole thing which there must have been 500,000 people at... it was just so packed. We spent time just relaxing in the park etc...

R is for Rant... Now I must say something, I don't get how people can wear the shit they do. I have never seen so much flab, and skin and stuff hanging out of everywhere. Women were wearing spandex shirts that were 350lbs + or cut off tank tops etc.. I mean just cover it up PLEASE!! We saw this one woman that had to have the biggest breasts I have ever seen in person and I swear her tank top only covered her nipples and she was huge, it was just disgusting. So people do the rest of us the favor and cover up... less is more. Keeps us men wondering what is underneath!!!!

We headed down to Grant Park to watch the fireworks which were really cool, it was just neat to be sitting in a famous park and watching fireworks. This is one of the things I really enjoyed about SS. We just sat around, laid on each other and every time she smiles I just melt. I really can't believe I feel that way, but then again it has been a long time since I have so I am due.
We left the fireworks with our other million friends and had to sit in traffic for a LONG time. Headed home and hung out at her place after that.

Tuesday July 4th

Today was a pretty chill out type of day. Hung out at her place for a long time. Talked to the ex about her grandma.. what a crappy covno that was, I am not even going to write about it b/c I don't want to relive it. We went to try to have lunch at Chipotle but they were closed. I love that place and we have none in the 'Burgh. Ended up eating at this pretty good Rib place and watching the shuttle launch. Then we went looking for a printer for her with no luck. After hanging out at home... we headed to see Superman at this kick ass theatre where they serve you food and you can drink while in the movie. We split a pitcher of Long Island's and had some Sour Patch Kids and enjoyed a pretty good movie. After that we went out to her parents to watch the Fireworks there.

Wednesday July 5th

This was the end of my trip and I hated to leave. I had an amazing time and just didn't want to leave SS behind. I enjoyed spending all my time with her, and I usually get sick of people after a few hours. She really made me realize that I could "feel" again and I hope I did the same for her. It was a great time and something I really really needed... so if you are reading this SS, thank you so much and I can't wait for NY.

I hopped on my plane and headed back home with some great memories and new hope and happiness.

Long Live the Dave Matthews Band

As we all know I love the Dave Matthews Band. There is just something about them that takes me away from everything. This year has been especially great as they have just been on a roll. Bringing out new music, bringing back old songs etc.

I had the pleasure of making my first trip to Alpine Valley Music Theatre in East Troy, WI for shows 44 and 45. This venue is massive holding 35,000+ and just a sight. I had great company at the show with my new favorite show buddy and we had good seats. Night One about 8 rows back on the left, night 2 about 12 rows back on the left. The lawn at this place is just a sight. It is at least a 45 degree angle if not more up to the top. It is in a ski resort if that gives you any idea. It is one hell of a steep hill and it is just amazing seeing all the people out there . I got to meet some new people which is always fun. The parking lot is an absolute disaster afterwards. Almost 3 hours to get back to the hotel each night and our hotel was 5 miles away. I got to hear my favorite song "Seek Up" and they brought back "The Last Stop" after 1059 days of not being played.

I had a great time on this trip and I will talk more about the stuff that wasn't the concerts in my next blog. I have always had good "buddies" to go to shows with, but I think I have finally found the perfect one. She hasn't seen as many shows as me, but DMB affects her life just like it does mine and is a huge fan. It made this weekend and this "tour" even more memorable.


For those of you interested in my "Tour Stats" here are some pages showing which shows I have been to and what songs I have heard (courtesy of antsmarching.org).

A long vacation... from this

So after my vacation I seemed to have taken a vacation from blogging. So, over the next day or so I hope to catch up with tons to write about: my great trip to Chicago, my "find" of something I thought I wouldn't have again, Dave Matthews Band (imagine that), the rant of the week about my bitch neighbor, a death in the extended (former) family and probably some all star stuff.

So hopefully I can put my thoughts together. I probably should have wrote it all down while I was there, but at least I can remember the good parts.

I will welcome myself back to the experiment and see what pours out this time.