For my 1 .. maybe 2 readers... Happy Holidays.
This should be an interesting and hopefully great holiday season. I am hosting xmas at my house for my mom, grandma, and SS. Then SS is here till the 2nd of Jan so hopefully it is a joyous, fun and relaxing time.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Can I do anything right?...
That is the question I have been asking myself more frequently these days. The year is winding down and hopefully that is a good thing for me because I really need a fresh start. As has been discussed at length, I haven't had the best year... it was well shittastic to say the least. My job has really just beaten me down so much that I really have no idea what to do or know if I could even function in a different job.
I am looking forward to xmas and a break. I am taking the last week off of work which should be a nice relaxing time to spend with Family and Friends and SS. I desperately need it as I just can't stand coming to this hell hole. My upcoming yearly review is going to be bad from what I have been told and unfairly so. I guess my boss has decided to either make an example out of me, make me want to quit, or hold me to this unreachable standard. So, I will get a bad rating and another shitty raise as usual. I don't think any person under 50 yrs old will get any respect here even if they have been working here almost 6 years.
It is really funny to see how people are treated so differently in a company of 14 people. Some people get off scott free b/c that is the "way they are" or "are going through a rough time" but god for bid that I get that same level of treatment. For me it is who cares if his dad died and he is going through a divorce, lets be even harder on him. So I have a feeling by tomorrow I will be either unemployed or only employed for a few more weeks. I am really tired of this place and there is no way that we could ever build MAGLEV with the lack of management here.
Xmas is stressing me out also. I am hosting at my house and I want it to be nice which involves trees and decorating and all that jazz. Well I don't mind decorating, but seeing that everything that I owned holiday related was taken by Emily except for maybe 10 ornaments. So, I have to buy all new crap. So I have a tree, which I am working on fanning out (I never knew artificial took so much work) put my my g-mas village and found some lights that I might put outside. But unfortunately I don't think I am going to be done before this weekend which means I won't be able to enjoy it as much as I would have liked to, but that is how it goes. I hope things go well when everyone is at the house. It is going to be tough enough the way it is without any added stress. I hope it goes well, I just want it to be right and easy on my mom.
I generally think that either I am just cursed or hexed or something b/c things just don't go my way. I know people have it harder than me, but at the same time I find it all relative. Things do not fall in my favor.. well ever. I guess I am hoping that next year will bring new life and new hope and all that mushy jazz. I luckily have Mexico to look forward to. (SS and her parents and I are going on a cruise in March). So I am going to try to focus on that even though it is 3 months away.
one of the vp's said to me yesterday that I need to start being happy. Honestly if I could figure out how to do that I would. I don't even want to hear the shrink stuff b/c it isn't for me. I just don't believe in them nor have they proven anything to me as being helpful. I want to be happy, it is just hard to find that place. Hopefully in 20 years when I look back at this time (as he was telling me it goes way to fast) I will have something to say I overcame to be a better person, but for now my vision is way too tunneled
I am looking forward to xmas and a break. I am taking the last week off of work which should be a nice relaxing time to spend with Family and Friends and SS. I desperately need it as I just can't stand coming to this hell hole. My upcoming yearly review is going to be bad from what I have been told and unfairly so. I guess my boss has decided to either make an example out of me, make me want to quit, or hold me to this unreachable standard. So, I will get a bad rating and another shitty raise as usual. I don't think any person under 50 yrs old will get any respect here even if they have been working here almost 6 years.
It is really funny to see how people are treated so differently in a company of 14 people. Some people get off scott free b/c that is the "way they are" or "are going through a rough time" but god for bid that I get that same level of treatment. For me it is who cares if his dad died and he is going through a divorce, lets be even harder on him. So I have a feeling by tomorrow I will be either unemployed or only employed for a few more weeks. I am really tired of this place and there is no way that we could ever build MAGLEV with the lack of management here.
Xmas is stressing me out also. I am hosting at my house and I want it to be nice which involves trees and decorating and all that jazz. Well I don't mind decorating, but seeing that everything that I owned holiday related was taken by Emily except for maybe 10 ornaments. So, I have to buy all new crap. So I have a tree, which I am working on fanning out (I never knew artificial took so much work) put my my g-mas village and found some lights that I might put outside. But unfortunately I don't think I am going to be done before this weekend which means I won't be able to enjoy it as much as I would have liked to, but that is how it goes. I hope things go well when everyone is at the house. It is going to be tough enough the way it is without any added stress. I hope it goes well, I just want it to be right and easy on my mom.
I generally think that either I am just cursed or hexed or something b/c things just don't go my way. I know people have it harder than me, but at the same time I find it all relative. Things do not fall in my favor.. well ever. I guess I am hoping that next year will bring new life and new hope and all that mushy jazz. I luckily have Mexico to look forward to. (SS and her parents and I are going on a cruise in March). So I am going to try to focus on that even though it is 3 months away.
one of the vp's said to me yesterday that I need to start being happy. Honestly if I could figure out how to do that I would. I don't even want to hear the shrink stuff b/c it isn't for me. I just don't believe in them nor have they proven anything to me as being helpful. I want to be happy, it is just hard to find that place. Hopefully in 20 years when I look back at this time (as he was telling me it goes way to fast) I will have something to say I overcame to be a better person, but for now my vision is way too tunneled
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
It has been a long time...
So I have basically taken off 3-4 months I guess from blogging. Why I have no idea. But it is time to start back and start chronicling my crazy life. The holidays are here, the divorce is coming closer to final and things are changing rapidly. While I don't have much to talk about at the moment the past few months have been quite interesting:
thats all I have for now. Hopefully the mood will begin to strike me again to start talking about my life and rants and whatever .....
- I spent Thanksgiving with a new family
- WVU blew it .. as usual
- Steelers are horrible
- I am once again questioning if I will ever be relationship material
- Dad's memorial bench is in.
- Christmas is going to be at my house
- I am hopefully going to Mexico (maybe) in March
- I will never understand women, ever
- The BCS is lame
- I will never understand why people stay married when they are absolutely miserable
- Why do all the celebs like the flash their poon... drop your rack out, please!
- For the first time in my life I am starting to really question if Love is enough
- I work with idiots
thats all I have for now. Hopefully the mood will begin to strike me again to start talking about my life and rants and whatever .....
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