Showing posts with label articles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label articles. Show all posts

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Mullet Ho Ho's?

Yes it is my attempt at a play on words at 9 am.. you know I just still laugh about the dude saying nappy headed hos.

So Breaking News from the 'burgh today - Another Pittsburgh Love Affair : Ho Ho's



According to Hostess' data, the company produces 100 million Ho Hos a year. Pittsburghers pound 1.51 Ho Hos per person per day.

The only cities that come close are Buffalo/Rochester (1.39), Cincinnati (1.37), and Cleveland (1.15).

Source : Pittsburgh Post-Gazette




Stand up and be proud Pittsburghers.

- NOT


ARE YOU SERIOUS????

  1. SSIA (subject says it all) - I think the person that wrote that should be fired. Saying that Pittsburghers are in love with ho's. ;)
  2. I love ho's (don't really like ho ho's SNACK CAKES that much)
  3. This is not news worthy
  4. The other story with this is how this is the best place for Baby Boomers to find love. Aren't they all dead yet? Do their packages even still work??? I mean come on.
  5. I can just see the dude they snap on Channel 11 tonight buying a box of ho ho's with a sweet mullet and saying: Yea man I love these ho ho's ... anything for the burgh n'at.
  6. Tonights Press conference from Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravensthal:

    I want to thank everyone in Pittsburgh for eating the most ho ho's of any city in the US. Your gorging will continue to help move us forward.

    On a second note to all you campaign contributors I mean baby boomers... this is the place to be. You have the best chance of finding love here in the 'burgh. With this great announcement the City of Pittsburgh will now be providing free Viagra to all Baby Boomers to assist them in their search for love and for helping Pittsburgh MOVE FORWARD.
  7. How freaking lame...

GO PENS

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Nappy-Headed Hos

Now THIS is way too funny. I am not in any way an Imus fan, I actually loved when Stern bashed him but he really dropped his feelings the other day.
The flap began Wednesday, the day after Rutgers lost the NCAA women's title to Tennessee. Imus told listeners, "That's some rough girls from Rutgers."

"Man, they got tattoos," he said. "That's some nappy-headed hos there, I'm going to tell you that now."
So he got a 2 week suspension for saying this.. but damn it made me laugh. Good start out to the day :)

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Fifteen questions to ask before the wedding

Since I commented on that article and since my divorce is wrapping up, what better time than to comment on this article found in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette

1. Do you fundamentally like your beloved as a person, is he/she "good people"?

English 101 is he good people?? #1 should be is she in Crazypause. That is all you need to know

2. Is he/she fundamentally a happy person with a positive attitude?

You might be BEFORE marriage but after.. well that all goes away

3. Is he/she someone you admire?

Yes I admire someone good in the sack.. wtf?

4. Does your beloved have values that you like?

What if she is Jewish and I am Catholic??

5. Do you and your beloved share similar values and outlooks on the world?

Honestly is this important? Why do you have to be the same person

6. Are you similar in age and occupation level?

Sugar Momma??? that is what I want

7. Do you think he/she is funny?

Well I agree with one

8. Are you willing to have and maintain a robust, healthy sex life with your partner? Can you freely and easily talk with your partner about sexual issues?

Word, will you give bj's after you are married, because usually that is when it stops.. forever.. unless you pay for it.. or get some m.f'in strange

9. What's your financial health and how will finances be handled in the marriage?

She will spend all of your money and if she doesn't you will have to spend it on her buying her diamonds that she hardly will wear

10. Do you want children? If so, how many? Who will be the primary caregiver?

Next question..

11. What happens when the infatuation dies? Will you still be willing to work at the marriage with your beloved?

This is the problem with marriage it is basically a 2nd job. I just want someone to hang out with, fuck, pay half the bills and buy me stuff

12. Do you have the philosophy that love is something that just happens or do you believe you have to work hard at making it happen?

Why is this important to know before the wedding. I hope you were in love before you went and got married... but there is always Vegas

13. If you're having a hard time making it happen, are you willing to consult with a pastor, rabbi, marriage counselor or seek other marriage education?

Counseling is a joke.. and what are they asking if you are having a hard time with? Getting it up? How is a rabbi going to help that?

14. If things aren't easy in the marriage for six months or a year, are you of the opinion that if it's hard, it's wrong?

UM whats wrong with it being hard? I mean it kinda is the key to getting it on

15. At what point do you think it's OK to throw in the towel?

This is probably the best question on this list. I personally think it is way to easy to walk away from a marriage today and Hollywood sets that trend.

So... not as funny as usual b/c I am once again in a terrible mood, but you know its something.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem

So I pretty much have 0 self esteem.. and honestly I don't know if this below is good to follow but what the hell, I am gonna post it anyhow. I think I will add my take on them also.

Via the ririan project

1. Stop comparing yourself with other people.

Human beings can amplify or reduce their value by contrasting themselves either positively or negatively with others. But if you play the comparison game, you’ll run into too many “opponents” you can’t defeat. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. So stop comparing!

Bryan says: um... right. So when I go in for my raise or a new job don't you almost have to compare yourself to someone? Plus isn't it fun to know you are better than someone? no? (-1)


2. Stop the critic inside of you.

Some people have a bad habit of putting themselves down often. They say negative things to themselves like, “I’m always late. Why am I such a flake?” or “There you go again, stupid!” So get in the new habit of catching yourself saying critical things about yourself and learn to silence your inner critic. And if this is unavoidable, at least tone down the level of your criticism.

Bryan says: RIGHT.. this is as likely to happen as me getting a threesome or stop drinking Captain. There are some things that just will never happen. (-1)


3. Forgive and forget.

Do not waste your time and energy thinking of past hurts. Your time can be wisely spent for other productive things rather than forlorn thoughts. We make mistakes, even when we’re trying our best. Sometimes you just have to apologize, let it go and move on.

Bryan says: Ok so I am just supposed to forget about the bad things that have happened to me and just jump right in and get squashed. Sure ... (-2)


4. Associate with positive, supportive people.

The “real you” is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to others. So keep your interest in life at a high level by being in the company of enthusiastic people. This way, you will get infected by their positive attitude. You will view the world in its full shining glory and move around oozing with energy. In the same manner, it would be wise to stay away from negatively inclined thinkers. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem is lowered.

Bryan says: these people exist?? WHERE?? (-1)


5. Get involved in work and activities you love.

It’s hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you hate. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. And even if you’re not in a position to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies or activities.

Bryan says: HA! See now I agree with this 100% ... but finding a job is another story. I do follow the leisure time by doing the PSL thing. (+2)


6. Be true to yourself.

Live your own life - not the life someone decided is best for you. You will never gain your own respect and you will never feel good about yourself if you aren’t leading the life you want to lead. So if you’re still making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren’t being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.

Bryan says: I like this one too. I have tried both and I haven't found either one successful but living for myself has been a little better. (+1)


7. Talk affirmatively to others and yourself.

Words carry enough power that can either hurt other people or yourself. Similarly, words can generate enough power to give warmth and comfort. So be conscious of your choice of words. Choose affirmative words when speaking with someone.

Bryan says: Say whatever the fuck you want. Didn't the last one say live your life? (-1)


8. Quit blaming yourself for mistakes in the past.

Many things in our lives are only minimally in our control, but those of us who develop low self-esteem take the full blame for the resulting negative outcomes. Instead, learn to honor your efforts and give proper credit for things that you have done well. Following a practical approach for managing your self-esteem will prevent it from becoming a problem and keep you off that rollercoaster.

Bryan says: This is garbage. You can't not (wow double negative) blame yourself because most likely you have been blamed by someone else already. Plus as the king of not dealing with failure well this one no worky (-2)


9. Make a long list of your personal breakthroughs.

Think of times when you did something that you thought that never could do but managed to pull off successfully. These breakthroughs can generate an authentic source of never-ending pride in you. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.

Bryan says: So... doing a hot chick, um... getting real drunk and throwing up on someones shoes, putting it in the 2 hole (female thank you)? Yes I am embellishing but isn't that the point? I hate that interview question about achievements. Everyone can make up one... (+-0)


10. Make a list of your positive qualities.

Not everyone has your unique abilities and talents. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it’s important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn’t working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you’ll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.

Bryan says: BWHAHAHAHA.. As Dan and I always say, pessimism is a compliment for us. (-2)


11. Figure out the hidden strengths in your so-called weaknesses.

You can’t develop high self-esteem if you constantly repeat negative comments about your skills and abilities. Remember that there is always a positive in every negative if you look hard enough. For instance, you may think of yourself as stubborn, but the flip side is that you’re also persistent and dependable.

Bryan says: I don't have weaknesses, I fucking rock out with my cock out (+-0)

12. Rediscover and reaffirm your personal strengths.

Sometimes you have to take a new inventory on what you like about your looks, smile, body, sexiness, health, personality, and character strengths. Don’t sell yourself short. It isn’t wrong or egotistical to praise ourselves.

Bryan says: see last statement (+1 for egos)


13. Ignore yourself.

Sometimes the real problem isn’t self-esteem at all but a tendency toward over thinking. When you get this feeling direct your focus to other things. Give it a rest already!

Bryan says: First you tell me to have an ego and then ignore it? Fuck enough people ignore me the way it is (-1)


14. Examine your needs.

Some of us need more praise from others than other people do. Some people need to always be accomplishing something, or they feel let down. In other words, it could very well be that you’re ok, but you’re just in a slower activity period right now, so it feels like you feel bad, when you really don’t. Relax, and take it easy!

Bryan says: EXACTLY. I need a bj every single day.. that is my need. (+3 for BJ'S)


15. Accept all compliments with “Thank You.”

Don’t dismiss or ignore them. When you do this you give yourself the message that you do not deserve or are not worthy of praise, which by the way reflects low self-esteem. Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You.

Bryan says: I'm cool with this (+1).. [but hello, shouldn't you have MANNERS and already know this]


16. Start giving more.

You must give more of yourself to those around you. Because when you do things for someone else, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which in turn lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem. So next time you see a downcast or downtrodden individual, pick him up from the rut. Share with him the warmth of your helping hand and watch the glow in his eyes.

Bryan says: You know, I tried this, and I still try to practice it but what the fuck happened to giving back to the people that give to you. I am always the person that is there and then when I need something where is everyone else? Following #12 (+-0)


17. Be your own cheerleader.

The energy and enthusiasm of a cheerleader is necessary in order to make the radical emotional changes required to raise your self-esteem. Learn how to enjoy a few minutes of self-congratulations instead of jumping right into the next task as if nothing happened, or dismissing it as meaningless. It does mean something. Being your own cheerleader isn’t silly, it’s smart and contagious.

Bryan says: There is nothing contagious about cheerleading except maybe the clap (-1)


18. Start small and do a task you can accomplish easily.

There’s no faster way to build self-esteem than to add yet another accomplishment to your roster. It always feels good to get something crossed off our to-do list. And it doesn’t necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments.

Bryan says: To Do List:

  1. Masturbate - check
  2. Poop - check
  3. see #1

19. Examine the pattern of highs and lows.

Perhaps you’re just in a “praise starvation” mode - it’s been too long since you got a compliment or got to do anything that someone noticed. Or perhaps you started the downward spiral when you said some bad things to someone. It’s always good to remember that self-esteem is a mental construct. So examine your patterns and you’ll know what to do.

Bryan says: Well all I can say is the low is really low for this cat. Hard to examine when there aren't many highs (+-0)


20. Get some exercise.

Exercise can decrease ‘stress hormones’ like cortisol, and increase endorphins, your body’s ‘feel-good’ chemicals, giving your mood a natural boost. If you’ve been focusing on one type of exercise, vary that routine and try a different type. If you don’t exercise, go for a walk. Even the change of scenery will do you good. It also forces your perspective to change a little, and you may see yourself in a better light. Also physical activity itself can take your mind off of your problems and either redirect it on the activity at hand or get you into a zen-like state.

Bryan says: I agree with this.. so more sex.. sweet. Oh wait, the 9 hour drive to get sex probably would negate the good effects. Go to the gym?? RIGHT. (+-0)


21. Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem.

Whatever material we allow to dominate our mind will eventually take root and affect our own behavior. For example, if you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. On the other hand, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.

Bryan says: Hello! Whats better than being cynical. Watch the news, you don't have a choice to avoid this shit. I don't read and I am not going to see douche bag Dr. Phil. (-2 for making me think of Dr Phil)


22. Take action!

The universe rewards action! When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you’ll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.

Bryan says: no wonder I don't get any rewards.. no action. See this and the exercise one go together. Also I don't fail to move forward b/c of fear and anxiety, I fail to move forward because of assholes and douche bags I deal with every day. Shot out to PittGirl (AND DRINK) for the moving forward reference (-1)

So, like I said Pessimism is a compliment for me. Some of this is sarcasm some of it is true and they probably are right along the same line. I gave this overall article (-5) which isn't as bad as I thought. Who needs self-esteem anyhow.. it is overrated.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

15 things you didn't know about a penis

On one of my many flights this summer I decided to pick up a Men's Health and got hooked on the mag. I was speaking with Mr. Supremacy today about Matthew Mcconaughey today since he had an enhanced picture of his stuff on his blog. I said teenie weenie as a joke and he said that he is probably a grower not a show-er. So that reminded me of the article and I told him about how you can uncircumcise yourself, and that was his chance to become Jewish. So here is that list :

15 things you don't know about your penis

By: Mike Zimmerman, Illustrations by: Jason Holley

1. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter. Erections are all about good bloodflow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don't care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the li'l guy.

2. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters, which would be enough to tarp every Major League infield with human flesh.

3. An enlarged prostate gland can cause both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. If you have an unexplained case of either, your doctor's looking forward to checking your prostate. Even if you're not.

4. The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds. Which means if women were really interested in equality, they'd make sure we have four orgasms for every one of theirs.

5. The oldest known species with a penis is a hard-shelled sea creature called Colymbosathon ecplecticos. That's Greek for "amazing swimmer with large penis." Which officially supplants Buck Naked as the best porn name, ever.

6. Circumcised foreskin can be reconstructed. Movable skin on the shaft of the penis is pulled toward the tip and set in place with tape. Later, doctors apply plastic rings, caps, and weights. Years can pass until complete coverage is attained. . . . Okay, we'll shut up now.

7. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure. It's estimated, however, that all 400 have given it their best shot at some point.

8. There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn't get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).

9. An international Men's Health survey reports that 79 percent of men have growers, 21 percent have showers.

10. German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds. Are we that good or that bad?

11. Turns out size does matter: The longer your penis, the better "semen displacement" you'll achieve when having sex with a woman flush with competing sperm. That's according to researchers at the State University of New York, who used artificial phalluses (ahem) to test the "scooping" mechanism of the penis's coronal ridge. Next up: curing cancer.

12. The penis that's been enjoyed by the most women could be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly deflowered 37,800 women between the years 1770 and 1784 -- that's about seven virgins a day. Go ahead, say it: It's good to be king.

13. Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average, and lousy sperm -- and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.

14. No brain is necessary for ejaculation. That order comes from the spinal cord. Finding a living vessel for said ejaculation, however, takes hours of careful thought and, often, considerable amounts of alcohol.

15. The most common cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation. Some risks are just worth taking.

Research by the editors of Men's Health Germany

Thanks for the inspiration Mr. Chamberstein