? + Religion + ? + Rambling

(?) - I really don't know what to say about the tragedy at VT yesterday.

(Rambling) - While I LOATHE them when it comes to sports and their backhanded traitor ways, I can not in any way understand this. So first and foremost, my condolences to all Hokies out there. Second I want to say I am proud of the WVU community as they have been in the forefront of condolences from what I have been able to see especially on the hokies sports (scout.com) message board.

(?) - Usually I get upset about stuff like this but it rarely brings me to tears and I still am not entirely sure why. I don't think it was 100% of loss of lives (probably 85% at least).. I think it is more of the shear fact that it happened at all. So unnecessary.. so wrong.

(Religion) - Now this is where it really comes down to for me. I struggle with religion, I always have. I wasn't brought up in a church, hell I didn't even start going until I was with my ex and the only reason I went is I enjoyed the minister, not really the lessons from the bible. I don't sit here as a scientologist (yet) or an uber-religious freak or an atheist .. but I sit here as a person that just doesn't understand.

Do I believe that there is a god.. yes. Do I walk the line on that belief, yes. When my Dad passed, I really questioned things. At that time I was still not understanding what I did wrong to deserve the divorce and then get hit with this. That was over a year ago, and today the feeling is this: I totally understand the divorce and am fine with it, it was the best thing for me.. my life is much better in that aspect where I see much more potential in my "love life" then I did before.. Dad I still don't understand and probably never will. I have talked about that devastation ad nauseum and won't go further into it.

Now this thing has made me start to question again. How can this sort of thing be allowed to happen. What did ANY of those kids in that classroom do to this guy? I don't know about the whole dorm room thing, if something spurred the problem but either way what he did was not necessary. He was wrong, and who knows if we will ever know his motive. Why didn't VT respond after the first shooting, why did "god" allow for 29 people to go after the first 2, why did he allow the first 2. I hope the thought of a plan for everyone is true, but damn... some of these plans suck.

So.. I walk the line again.