Weekend, Worries, Women, Wonder

The weekend has come and gone again way to fast. Summer has finally arrived, it is fucking hot out there today (and yesterday). My weekend was pretty tame, nothing exciting in general but here is the breakdown (besides the hours of phone and texts with SS :) ) :

Weekend

Friday: I went to this lame ass bar with Lance, Jen and Crystal for some Karoke. I wanted to go to Cappy's but they didn't want to come to Shadyside. I did get to see their new house, which is very nice and should fit them perfectly. Lance got hammered so we were at the bar all of a hour and a half. We took him home, Jen Crystal and I talked a little bit then I headed on home.

Saturday: I completed most of my list of things to do including going through my mail, getting my oil changed, buying bones for Piper, and cleaning out my car. I went to the Pirates game that night with a stop at Ugly. For those of you that don't know Ugly is a pretty cool place and the official home of the Mountaineers in Pittsburgh. Had some food with some of my friends (Kate, Melissa and her boy and Jodi) and we headed over to see the Pirates win a great game.

Sunday: I went home to help my mom out with some stuff. Worked in the yard, in the house etc.. and came home exhausted.

Worries

I am starting to worry more about my mom. I can tell this whole thing is still really beating on her. I try to get home and help her as much as I can but sometimes it is too much for me. Carrying the laundry downstairs to the basement for her and seeing my dad's chair was just destroying. I am trying to be there for her and offer as much as I can and I feel that I am part of the problem because I am constantly upset about things and talking to her about the divorce and the house problems and dad etc.. can't help. Not to mention that she is basically taking care of both of my grandmas because my uncle is being an asshole.

Basics of that story are he wouldn't come with us to spread my dads ashes b/c his son had a baseball game. It didn't upset my mom but it really hurt me. She told him about it, he didn't like it, they haven't spoken since which sucks AND they didn't invite me to the kids birthday party which is even more shitty.

I hope my mom can pull through this because I am not the 'rock' that she needs. I am rarely happy these days and it just seems to keep on spiraling downward. I just continue to worry about what is going to go wrong next.


Women

For once, this isn't a bad subject for me. I really enjoy talking to SS and really look forward to spending time with her. I have a very great close friend that I talk to everyday that helps me out a ton when I am in a bind or even not in one. I don't know too many people that ask if they can come work in your yard for you. I had a great time with Kate, Jodi and Melissa at the game. I am moving on more and more from Emily. I wish I wouldn't have had to go through everything that has happened but I am really feeling like it was for the best. That part of my life is starting to get a significant upgrade with my new woman .. well if we can ever be in the same place that is.

(I) Wonder...

if I will find a new job
if I will find a happy state for a longer period than 3 hours
if my friend will realize how he shit on me and apologize
if I am going the right direction with my life
if I should move
if I will be able to support myself
if I am there for my mom enough
if the Mountaineers will win the National Championship
if I am a bad person
if I am a good person
why people are scientologists
if god exists in more of a capacity than just "being there to talk to"
if my luck will ever change
if I will fall in love unconditionally
what I am going to eat for lunch
Could I have been ______ ?
when I will deem life "fair"
if my dad hears me when I talk to him
if I will ever be able to handle him not being here without starting to cry
if the Pirates will ever have a winning season again
if I will ever stop worrying
if I will ever live in the same city as SS
if I will ever get sick of seeing the Dave Matthews Band
when this post will end

Well at least I have an answer to the last one.

Who's tired of Hearing about Big Ben's accident

Ok, I am way over this. I am a huge Steelers fan and I want the best for our beloved qb, but I must tell you I am so TIRED of reading about it and hearing about it in the news for the past 3 days. (see the cover of the postgazette)

I feel bad that he was seconds from possibly dying I do, but come on. What did you expect with not wearing a helmet. So Pittsburgher's rejoice, He won't miss training camp... but be ready to hear about this for the next 9 months every time he throws a bad pass.

I guarantee that they will blame the accident for anything he does bad. Speaking of "blaming"..
Ben's publicist is a genius. Steelers fans were irate with him and to have the story of how he almost died circulating in the media definitely pulls on the heart strings and might just make them forget.. barring a terrible season.

All Star Game / festivities

It was a great week for the 'burgh as the city was on display for the world for the 2006 MLB All Star game. FanFest was awesome (pictures are on my site.. link over there --->) , the HR Derby was exciting and so was the game. The Pirates curse continues as the NL lost the game in the 9th. How about that red carpet?? pretty neat.

All in all I am glad to see that peoples attitudes towards Pittsburgh are starting to change.

This is a great article on ESPN about how we deserve a winning team, the city is great, and PNC is the BEST ballpark.

ESPN ARTICLE

Chicago

I had a wonderful vacation recently in Chicago. It was way to short but very "eye opening". I will try to cover it all in some sort of synopsis but as we all know, I tend to get off point very quickly.

Friday June 30th

I arrived in Chi-town around 8:30, my flight came in like 50 min late which sucked, but other than that I got the pleasure of coming down the escalator into baggage claim to have a wonderful young lady smiling up at me (here on out known as SS). I was much more calm than the first time we hung out (a few weeks ago in Pittsburgh). We have had a "different" relationship for a while I would say. We met ironically at a DMB show in Columbus in 05. We started emailing randomly to every day to.. 30 times a day, started talking on the phone, drunk dialing, all the good stuff and almost a year to the date later we actually spent a weekend together. So, this is weekend two of this journey. I was really happy to get there, she and I get a long well and getting out of town is always a good thing.

So, we head out to her place which is a good ways from downtown (I flew into Midway) and dropped off my bags, I got to meet Rapunzel her dog and see her digs. We went down to eat at the restaurant that she works at. Sat at the bar had lots of drinks and shots, and ate some dinner. I got to meet a few of her friends which was nice. The inquisitive person I am decided to ask her one friend what SS has said about me while she was in the bathroom. This friend had made the "oh so this is him" reaction when I was introduced so I was interested to see what
had been said. SS's friend said well you are the one she holds on a pedestal. Much to my surprise I thought this was a great thing, but I also knew I had a lot to live up to.

We had some more drinks, and then headed back to her place to hang out etc..

Saturday July 1st

Time to head to see DMB. We packed up the car, took the dog to her parents, picked up Shaina and Kyle and headed on to Alpine Valley. It was a long trip due to traffic (3 hours to go 90 miles). We had a great tailgate with her friend Proctor and some others and the show was good too. Sat in the parking lot for hours after the show with Shaina and Kyle (SS was dead asleep in the car :) .

Sunday July 2nd

After Shaina and Kyle headed out we went to this small town called Genevia Lake where SS spent a lot of time as a kid. We had some breakfast and some drinks (bloody mary's for me and mimosas for her). Then we had a real nice day walking around seeing the "downtown" and walking by the lake. I haven't been on a walk like that in a long time. Hand in Hand walking around just enjoying being with each other which was really nice. I didn't think I would feel happy in this way again after everything I have been through but there is just something good here that I want to harness. We went back to the room to get a short nap in before we headed to tailgate and to the show. I received an unfortunate text message that my ex-wifes grandma had passed so that kinda sucked but I just didn't let it ruin my day... it was too good and important to me to lose. Pretty much the same style as the night before .. SS slept in the car on the way back, we were both feeling no pain during the show and SS helped take the song "Smooth Rider" to another level for me. She also made me realize that orange might be my new favorite color :)

This was the day I think it there was more of a realization that there is some pretty large sparks between the two of us. We have both been through a lot of crap in our lives and it just seems right between us.

Monday July 3rd

We got up and headed to Geneva again for lunch on our way home. Stopped at her parents house to get the dog and then headed to her place. Had a nice afternoon relaxing and enjoying being with each other before we headed downtown. I really wanted to go watch the fireworks downtown and she obliged. She isn't big on crowds but it was very nice of her to do this for me.

We went and she showed me Millenium Park, the bean, this art/concert area I forget the name and then went on to the Taste of Chicago.

The taste was well lets say interesting. I loved being able to try all the food, until my stomach decided to hate me and I got sick. We walked the whole thing which there must have been 500,000 people at... it was just so packed. We spent time just relaxing in the park etc...

R is for Rant... Now I must say something, I don't get how people can wear the shit they do. I have never seen so much flab, and skin and stuff hanging out of everywhere. Women were wearing spandex shirts that were 350lbs + or cut off tank tops etc.. I mean just cover it up PLEASE!! We saw this one woman that had to have the biggest breasts I have ever seen in person and I swear her tank top only covered her nipples and she was huge, it was just disgusting. So people do the rest of us the favor and cover up... less is more. Keeps us men wondering what is underneath!!!!

We headed down to Grant Park to watch the fireworks which were really cool, it was just neat to be sitting in a famous park and watching fireworks. This is one of the things I really enjoyed about SS. We just sat around, laid on each other and every time she smiles I just melt. I really can't believe I feel that way, but then again it has been a long time since I have so I am due.
We left the fireworks with our other million friends and had to sit in traffic for a LONG time. Headed home and hung out at her place after that.

Tuesday July 4th

Today was a pretty chill out type of day. Hung out at her place for a long time. Talked to the ex about her grandma.. what a crappy covno that was, I am not even going to write about it b/c I don't want to relive it. We went to try to have lunch at Chipotle but they were closed. I love that place and we have none in the 'Burgh. Ended up eating at this pretty good Rib place and watching the shuttle launch. Then we went looking for a printer for her with no luck. After hanging out at home... we headed to see Superman at this kick ass theatre where they serve you food and you can drink while in the movie. We split a pitcher of Long Island's and had some Sour Patch Kids and enjoyed a pretty good movie. After that we went out to her parents to watch the Fireworks there.

Wednesday July 5th

This was the end of my trip and I hated to leave. I had an amazing time and just didn't want to leave SS behind. I enjoyed spending all my time with her, and I usually get sick of people after a few hours. She really made me realize that I could "feel" again and I hope I did the same for her. It was a great time and something I really really needed... so if you are reading this SS, thank you so much and I can't wait for NY.

I hopped on my plane and headed back home with some great memories and new hope and happiness.

Long Live the Dave Matthews Band

As we all know I love the Dave Matthews Band. There is just something about them that takes me away from everything. This year has been especially great as they have just been on a roll. Bringing out new music, bringing back old songs etc.

I had the pleasure of making my first trip to Alpine Valley Music Theatre in East Troy, WI for shows 44 and 45. This venue is massive holding 35,000+ and just a sight. I had great company at the show with my new favorite show buddy and we had good seats. Night One about 8 rows back on the left, night 2 about 12 rows back on the left. The lawn at this place is just a sight. It is at least a 45 degree angle if not more up to the top. It is in a ski resort if that gives you any idea. It is one hell of a steep hill and it is just amazing seeing all the people out there . I got to meet some new people which is always fun. The parking lot is an absolute disaster afterwards. Almost 3 hours to get back to the hotel each night and our hotel was 5 miles away. I got to hear my favorite song "Seek Up" and they brought back "The Last Stop" after 1059 days of not being played.

I had a great time on this trip and I will talk more about the stuff that wasn't the concerts in my next blog. I have always had good "buddies" to go to shows with, but I think I have finally found the perfect one. She hasn't seen as many shows as me, but DMB affects her life just like it does mine and is a huge fan. It made this weekend and this "tour" even more memorable.


For those of you interested in my "Tour Stats" here are some pages showing which shows I have been to and what songs I have heard (courtesy of antsmarching.org).

A long vacation... from this

So after my vacation I seemed to have taken a vacation from blogging. So, over the next day or so I hope to catch up with tons to write about: my great trip to Chicago, my "find" of something I thought I wouldn't have again, Dave Matthews Band (imagine that), the rant of the week about my bitch neighbor, a death in the extended (former) family and probably some all star stuff.

So hopefully I can put my thoughts together. I probably should have wrote it all down while I was there, but at least I can remember the good parts.

I will welcome myself back to the experiment and see what pours out this time.

Heading on Vacation

Just a quick little post, I am heading to Chicago until the 5th so everyone have a great and safe holiday weekend!

No wood for Limbaugh

I find this absolutely hilarious and most pleasing to see this asshole go down in flames

"Rush Limbaugh could see a deal with prosecutors in a long-running prescription fraud case collapse after authorities found a bottle of Viagra in his bag at Palm Beach International Airport. The prescription was not in his name."

Viagra threatens Limbaugh Plea Deal (CNN)

The asshole that he is said on his show:

"Limbaugh joked about the search on his radio show Tuesday, saying Customs officials didn't believe him when he said he got the pills at the Clinton Library and he was told they were blue M&Ms. He later added, chuckling: "I had a great time in the Dominican Republic. Wish I could tell you about it."

Just like the piece of shit he is, he attacks someone else because he is an idiot. Hopefully this gets his show cancelled.

How Liberal or Conservative are you?

I saw this on another blog and figured I would try it out. I thought I would be more liberal but it is the whole Defense and Crime thing that moved me more towards the middle. Thanks ... and this is while god invented condoms blog

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 40% Conservative, 60% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

I am who I am, who I am. Well who am I?

For my fellow DMB fans you will know where that comes from.. Show 43 in the books at Hershey this weekend. I must say it was a pretty good set, I didn't hear Too Much, Crash, Where are You going, Jimi Thing... the stuff I have heard so many times. Our seats absolutely blew but other than that I had a good time.

Yesterday was one of those Who am I days. I was talking to a friend about how this wasn't where we expected our lives to be at this time. It made me really ponder everything and sit and wonder if I made a wrong turn and who I really was.

I don't know if I will be able to answer that question anytime soon. Fundamentally I am the same person, but I have lost a huge part of me lately that I somehow have to rebuild or refill. With what I have no freaking clue. I just find that there are days that I feel totally lost, days I just go through the motions etc.. Rarely is there a day that I feel like it is new and refreshing and that I am starting to be fulfilled with life again.

I find myself being really weather affected. Yesterday was shitty out all day and I just was a bum. I did one load of laundry and nothing else beside feel sorry for myself. I need to stop doing that and I am trying to but just when it turns around I get phone calls about my Grandma being in the hospital.. just seems I can't catch a break.

Guess I have Chi-town to look forward to in a few days.

Redd Up Pittsburgh

redd up v. intermediate step between tidying and cleaning ' Yinz better redd up this room ' (from wikipedia)

Well our illustrious mayor is at it again. Pittsburgh is fortunate enough to bring the MLB All-Star game to the gorgeous PNC Park so big Bobby decided to start a new campaign: REDD UP PITTSBURGH.

If you are a 'bugher you have heard good old Bob basically take credit for EVERYTHING that has happened here lately. PNC's new building on 5th and Forbes was all his idea, it had nothing to do with the 3-4 plans Mayor Murphy worked on his entire term. Pretty soon him and Al Gore can get together and claim they both invented the internet together.

Now don't get me wrong peeps, I think the 'burgh could use a good cleaning but my god of all things to call it. Pretty soon Bob will be sporting a mullett and wearing AC/DC and Bon Jovi t-shirts to work.

He is a douchbag of the N'th degree.

Superman = gay (?) = who cares

So the new Superman movie Superman Returns comes out soon. There is all this "buzz" in the media and toward the director etc.. that Superman is gay. Well after having a conversation with my favorite 'mo (as he would say), this is what I said :

"like I care if he is a top or a bottom, I just want to see him go and pick heavy shit up and beat up bad guys.

I just recently learned the "top" thing but I think you can draw the proper conclusion. So Superman, get out their flying (I wish I could do that) and don't get stuck with any kryptonite, no matter where you choose to get "stuck".

OK speaking of kryptonite I found this when googleing a picture. I should have assumed this existed:

Bored at work.. what to do?

Well Fathers Day has come and gone and it has now been 5 months since my fathers passing. Hard to believe.

I have to say I am fucking bored out of my mind at work. This happens all the time, I finish a project and there is nothing else for me to do. Half the time I sit around and make up my own work but I have even ran out of that. I am curious to find out what other people do when they are bored at work.

Personally I have read the entire internet today, well at least all of my normal sites plus blogs plus other stuff. It is 3 so all I have to do is waste one more hour, I think I will devote that to porn and myspace. If anyone has anything out there remotely interesting let me know.. otherwise I think I am just going to take a nap.

Movies

I tend to think I am a movie buff and since it is the weekend and the fact I had this conversation with Dwight today about my favorite movies so here is the list:
First off is Garden State:

This is one of my all time favorites. I love Zach Braff and who can't love Natalie Portman (yes of course I want to do her). The movie is very symbolic and really makes you think and look around at what is going on rather than what the dialogue is leading you towards.



I also must admit my love for Teeny Bopper movies. I don't know what it is but I just like em: Whatever it takes, Boys and Girls, Loser, Euro Trip, stuff like that just amuses me. Also on the comedy front I have to mention Old School and Wedding Crashers .. how can you not love those.

I also love Pauly Shore Movies... all of them except Jury Duty.







Here are a few more that I love:

Casablanca









Clueless












And of course my Julia Styles obsession:















So that is where I will cut it off, this post looks like crap b/c I am too lazy to format it right now but at least it gives the info. Have a great weekend!

Pittsburgh-ese

For those of you non-burghers here is some interesting stuff on our wonderful dialect here. Growing up in West Virginia y'all was the abbv. for you all, but in Pittsburgh it is yinz. Here is a great wikipedia article on Pittsburgh-ese and a good website on it. See yinz dahntahn n'at.

R is For Rant, P is for Pussy

Who is sick and tired of hearing about Big Ben and his accident... raise your hand. Granted the great thing about living in this country is you can pretty much say whatever the fuck you want and this blog is a great example, but come on people.. he is a fucking HUMAN BEING!! I am as big of a Steelers fan as the next person but the kid is 24 years old. People make mistakes, we all do, and I guarantee we have all done something that we were told not to and had to learn from that experience and hopefully Ben will too.

What is my opinion on the whole situation? I think he should have been wearing a helmet, truthfully I think it should be a law and I know there are both sides but I will explain why I think that way: I think of the other person in the accident, if something would happen and say the rider died the other person would have to live with that the rest of their life because the moto rider didn't have a helmet on. So that is kinda how I think about it. I am digressing here, back to the rant.

Fans of football teams in our division are complete douchebags. (Ravens, Bengals, Browns). I loathe their teams just as much as they do mine but I would never post some of the garbage they have on their message boards (read about it here). Everyone glad that Ben got hurt.. Laughing and cheering about it. I think it is really interesting what was said in that article that peoples brains don't develop fully until they are 25, which I didn't know until today. People need to get a grip and not cheer over the misfortune of others. Here is also a little article from the burghblog about the same subject

NOW on to the P.....
CARSON PALMER IS A FUCKING PUSSY
I am so sick and tired of reading and hearing about how Kemo "cheap shotted" him and hurt him. That the Steelers cheated their way to the Super Bowl. It was a perfectly legal shot and don't even make me pull out all the shots on Ben last year that no one really said a damn thing about. I am tired of Carson and the Bengal fans whining. He has never proven a thing to me. The Bengals may have won the division for the first time in god knows how long but it wasn't just because of him. If he makes it back from his injury and has a good season, good for him. I don't call the man a pussy because he got hurt because I thought that sucked. I wanted to beat them so they didn't have an excuse and the kid does have some talent, but stop whining. It happened and get over it. Stop telling the media if this didn't happen then we would have done this. Hell if that was true I would be fucking every girl that graces the pages of playboy.

People really piss me off anymore. I thought I could be a tolerant person but when people continue to feed of the misfortune of others I have two other letters for them:
F U

The Dave Matthews Band

Show 41 and 42 down and what a weekend it was. DMB dropped two fantastic and energetic nights at the hell hole known as the Post Gazette pavilion. Got to hear some of my favorites with a Best of Whats Around opener to start the weekend and Two Step to close it with and 4 new songs I haven't heard (Shotgun, The Idea of You, Kill the King and Sister) . When I go see DMB I am just in a different world. It makes me forget about everything that is troubling me and I just get in the zone and I must say it is refreshing. I had a great weekend, the best since I went to the Sugar Bowl on New Years if that says anything. Check out DMBAlmanac to see all the great stuff they played. They never fail to amaze me!!

It is nice to see Dave's lyrics are getting better and better.. here is the chorus to the new song The Idea of You..

I fall so hard inside the idea of you
It’s why with you, I can say what I mean
Wanna stay but I think God get me out of here
I fall so hard inside the idea of you

Love it...

Spreading of my Fathers Ashes

I spent Sunday the 3rd spreading my fathers ashes in the back fork of the Elk River in Webster Springs, West by god Virginia. I love WV, it is so comfortable and beautiful. It was probably the 2nd or 3rd hardest day of my life. It is such a beautiful place there, but it was so hard to let him go. Here are the pictures of that day

My dad was an amazing man and it is still hard for me to talk about him because I miss him so much. Every time someone mentions him to me they talk about how great he is. My dad was Mr. Social, he was always out and about and made friends so easily. Rarely would you hear anyone have a bad thing to say about him. He was kind of my rock in some fashion. I talked to him everyday after work to see what was going on, talked about sports, work, life etc.. He had some trouble sometimes giving me advice when it came to some things (like my marriage) because it would make him so upset at the way I was being treated that he just couldn't respond.. but I understood. He is alot like me that he just wanted to find the way to fix it right then and there and that is always tough. I really miss talking to him every day. I don't have that person in my life anymore and it is really difficult to "fill" that void. I still think about him every day..

So if there is some way you are reading this dad, reading my mind, watching over my shoulder... just know that I miss you and Love you.

Lots of updates...

Well since I disappeared for a week I have a lot to write about. I took some time off from writing to reflect on somethings and had a friend in for 4 days so I didn't sit in front of the computer much, but over the next few hours there should be a lot of updates trying to get all this stuff out of my head.

So... here we go

Pets

One of my friends had a very rough evening last night and it really made me reflect on the subject of Pets. Pets are such a wonderful thing, you get that unconditional love from them that you just can't find anywhere else. There is nothing better to come home and have your pet run up to you so excited to see you.

My friend unfortunately had to put one of her pets to sleep last night and it was such a tough decision. The pet had never been sick for 6 years and now was critical and the surgery would cost and ton of money with the possibility of it happening again. It really made me think, especially after I yelled at Piper (pic above) unnecessarily last night.

When I got home last night from our win in darts she had pissed 2x in the dining room. I wasn't happy, but I let it go. What was worse is I come upstairs and the bed was soaked. Thinking that she had let go on the bed too, I got really mad and yelled at her. Then I checked out the sheets to find that it wasn't pee, it was just wet from the bath I gave her. I absolutely fell like shit. I spent some extra time with her last night b/c I just felt so bad.

I think sometimes we take our pets for granted and just look at them as they are a lower life form and really don't need what a human would need. Some people I know absolutely adore their pets and treat them like kings.

I didn't really want a dog and it really does affect my lifestyle. I have to be home a lot more, I can't just go from work to somewhere else etc.. I was really not happy when the ex left her with me, but now I really am. Piper has been there for me when I have gone through so much and she is always there to love me, give me a lick on the nose, cuddle etc..

She does bad things sometimes, but I would miss her if she was gone. I know all of us have lost pets and it is so tough to get over them. There is no good words to help cope, but all I can say is always try to think of the good things and the funny things they did.. I still think about my dog from childhood Zeke. He was fantastic and I miss him, but as I have found time does heal and another pet can help shun the burden. I never will replace a pet, but having another one to love helps a whole bunch.

To my friend: I am terribly sorry for your loss and if there is anything I can do, I am here for you.