I'm Cancelling My Maxim Subscription

I mean seriously Maxim. I have depended on you for the better part of 8 years (or how ever long it has been out) to provide me spank material. Don't get me wrong, I don't run to the bathroom every time I get the mag, I actually do read the thing from cover to cover, it has some good stuff in there ... but have you lost your mind?

What I am referring to is Maxim's Hot 100, where they rate the top 100 hot women in the world or whatever. Granted I don't always agree with where they place people but usually they do a damn good job. This year... terrible.

I am sorry but I have never found Ms. Rehabbed, coke snorting slut hot and I never will. Here is the list, and of course my comments on the ones that I think matter

1. Lindsay Lohan :: not even with a dildo
2. Jessica Alba :: yes, hot
3. Scarlett Johansson :: maybe a little to high on the list
4. Christina Aguilera :: not for me
5. Jessica Biel :: over rated
6. Ali Larter :: yes, yes, yes... on my "friends" list
7. Eva Mendez :: mmmmmm latino
8. Rihanna :: ehhhh
9. Eva Longoria :: so 2005
10. Fergie :: hot bod, kinda fug, over rated
11. Sienna Miller :: FUCK NO... DIE
12. Angelina Jolie :: DSL
13. Beyonce Knowles :: Too much armpit... no more talent
14. Katherine Heigl :: Should be top 10, on my friends list
15. Avril Lavigne :: no, too much whining in her music
16. Ashlee Simpson :: lip.... sync anyone
17. Maria Sharapova :: she can play with MY racket and balls
18. Megan Fox :: (?) research required
19. Cameron Diaz :: yes, would do her
20. Keira Knightley :: she's ok, Natalie Portman much hotter
21. Kate Beckinsale :: eh
22. Nicole Scherzinger :: (?) research required
23. Hilary Duff :: coming of age
24. Sophia Bush :: (?) research required
25. Elisha Cuthbert :: yes yes and more yes, on the list
26. Nelly Furtado :: eh
27. Kate Hudson :: over rated
28. Carmen Electra :: debatable from someone that was with Rodman, but hot
29. Sarah Silverman :: She probably would make me laugh too much and affect performance
30. Rebecca Romijn :: too old
31. Amy Smart :: yup... bang bang
32. Lacey Chabert :: (?) research required
33. Roselyn Sanchez :: (?) research required
34. Vanessa Minnillo :: eh.. she is only here b/c she is dating Nick
35. Jennifer Garner :: Take me home country roads
36. Jamie King :: (?) research required
37. Ashley Olsen :: no twigs for me
38. Shakira :: her hips don't lie
39. Rachel Bilson :: gorgeous.. should be top 20
40. Moon Bloodgood :: (?) research required
41. Jessica Simpson :: starting to look like a man, great rack though
42. Minka Kelly :: (?) research required
43. Kate Mara :: (?) research required
44. Rose McGowan :: no.. a little to gothic looking for me
45. Bar Refaeli :: (?) research required
46. Kristen Bell :: (?) research required
47. Katharine McPhee :: she's hot.. but might throw up on you
48. Mandy Moore :: fo sho
49. Mischa Barton :: started out ok, losing her edge.. looks like she is turning 40
50. Miss Maxim :: i will just assume she is hot b/c they normally are
51. Alessandra Ambrosio :: (?) research required
52. Kate Walsh :: growing on me
53. Adriana Lima :: (?) research required
54. Missy Peregrym :: (?) research required
55. Halle Berry :: losing her way, still pretty hot just think Swordfish
56. Michele Merkin :: (?) research required
57. Tricia Helfer :: (?) research required
58. Penelope Cruz :: very nice
59. Jamie-Lynn Sigler :: I would bang her in a second as long as Tony Soprano didn't know
60. Jessica White :: (?) research required
61. Nadine Velazquez :: (?) research required
62. Danneel Harris :: (?) research required
63. Bianca Kajlich :: (?) research required
64. Lena Headey :: (?) research required
65. Autumn Reeser :: TOP 15... she is way under rated and super hot
66. Joanna Krupa :: (?) research required
67. Gabrielle Union :: I wouldn't mind adding chocolate to my diet
68. Evangeline Lilly :: bang bang
69. Danica Patrick :: Hell no, too much temper tantrum
70. Stacy Keibler :: please put me in the scissor head lock face first, thank you
71. Willa Ford :: no
72. Ciara :: eh
73. Mena Suvari :: Lose the bangs, and you are back on the list
74. Tara Conner :: (?) research required
75. April Scott :: (?) research required
76. Diora Baird :: (?) research required
77. Hilary Burton :: (?) research required
78. Joss Stone :: don't know yet.. undecided
79. Adrianne Palecki :: (?) research required
80. Abbie Cornish :: (?) research required
81. Emmanuelle Chriqui :: (?) research required
82. Dita Von Teese :: I will pass on anything that slept with Marilon Manson
83. Ivanka Trump :: nah
84. Hometown Hottie :: ok
85. Kelly Ripa :: dried up (sorry ss)
86. Michelle Trachtenberg :: eh
87. Padma Lakshmi :: (?) research required
88. Raquel Alessi :: (?) research required
89. Haylie Duff :: no
90. Salma Hayek :: MOTORBOAT
91. Isla Fisher :: firecrotch
92. Mary Elizabeth Winstead :: (?) research required
93. Christina Milian :: (?) research required
94. Kelly Carlson :: (?) research required
95. The Avatars of Second Life :: lame
96. Shanna Moakler :: megabitch
97. Kim Kardashian :: pass
98. Yunjin Kim :: my first asian..
99. Mia Maestro :: (?) research required
100. Noureen DeWolf :: (?) research required

So my current "list" consists of the following (it tends to change weekly)

1. Alicia Sliverstone :: permanently in the list
   
2. Ali Larter :: ahh whip cream bikini
   
3. Elisha Cuthbert :: the one look she gives in girl next door melts me every time
   
4. The new agent for Vince from Entourage (new addition) :: hot, great rack
   
5. Autumn Reeser (new addition) :: got the blood flowing in the last season of OC
   

bench players: Katherine Heigl, Rachel Bilson, the baby dr. from Lost, and probably 10 others I can't think of right now.

** 5/16 addtion: Sarah Chalke from Scrubs.